A few weeks ago, my husband and I started an adapted version of the Ferber method, where rather than put my son down in the room and let him cry for a bit then check on him periodically, we would stay in the room, encourage him to sleep, pat his back and even sing to him until he did in fact fall asleep.  Now we share this room with Aidan, but his bedtime is 8:30 pm where as we get to stay up till later (yay adulthood).

For the first few days, it was anguish.  He fussed, fought and then after what seemed like an eternity, finally fell asleep.  Now I feel like we’ve gone from one bad habit to another.  Let me explain.  Before the Ferber method, we would rock, walk or do whatever it took to put Aidan to sleep, including holding him while he slept and then trying to put him down gently (if he’d let us).  Now instead of him being independent, he wants us to pat, sing and sit with him until he finally dains to go to sleep.  I feel like we’ve regressed completely.

I can’t bear to hear him cry and fuss (although I know it’s more of a manipulation thing), but at the same time, sitting with him for 30 + minutes is not ok.  We check on him and make sure he’s fed, safe, changed etc etc (using the checklist), but now I’m at a loss as to what it’s going to take to fix the problem.

This kid has enormous energy, even though I know he’s tired and exhibits the signs of fatigue.  He can fuss for more than an hour until he finally gets exhausted enough to fall asleep.

I’m looking for tactics to undo what I’ve done wrong and truly train him on falling asleep independently.  Nap-time is a whole ‘nother problem that I won’t even go into in this post!

As a first time parent, I have to say, the world of mom-hood has been an adventure.  From times of absolute frustration to moments where I can’t seem to get enough of my son, nothing could prepare me for this experience.

Now we’ve embarked on a different kind of adventure.  When my son Aidan was 5 months old (i.e. April 1, 2009), my husband, son and I left our cozy existence in San Francisco, CA and moved to India.  For those of you wondering why we would take such a drastic step, we’re ga ga about traveling and moving from one country to another is the ultimate way for us to experience the world.  We have grand plans to move again in 3 years to a completely different place.

For Aidan, moving to India has been wonderful.  I’m originally from India (Bombay to be precise) and my parents still live here.  Being close to them allows us to have family support and help Aidan understand and experience the importance of family.

It’s been “interesting” to say the least on adapting to the changes here, especially with a little one.  The search for the right diaper and wipes have been frustrating, but now, almost 3 months later, I have to say that we’re thriving.

In addition to the usual milestones of getting teeth, creeping, talking up a storm and even starting solids in earnest, we’re working on getting him to sleep independently.

Like other parents here, we’re seeing mixed results, but I’ll leave the details till my next post.

Cheers!

Farrah

I just wanted to say a big thank you to all our readers and contributors who help make this blog a valuable resource for new parents.  As you know, this a completely free resource backed by our retail site.  We have been expanding recently which is why we haven’t had the time to write as many new posts as we would have liked.  The new retail site is now online at Lullaby Babies but it won’t be open for business until April the 7th 2009.  Until then all products will be marked, ‘Out of stock.’ 

After the launch date, we plan to give this baby sleep blog a make-over and we are considering a parent’s club, chatroom and more. 

The concept behind the new boutique is to source the finest organic and eco-friendly products for babies and unite them all in one place.  Our product range will start off fairly small (because we research and test each product personally before approving it for inclusion into the boutique).  However, the range will grow as we do and we hope that our customers will feel as passionate about the products as we do!  

Bonjour or “Hello”

My name is Ruth and Richard has very kindly asked me to join the Lullaby Babies blog.  I am mother to a, mostly, charming four month old baby girl called Izzy.  We live in the French Alps with her dad and his parents though we hope to move into our own place in a few months.

We moved here  a month ago from Gran Canaria, but that’s a whole other story, so life has had lots of change recently.  I was worried that all the moving and new places and people would upset the baby and disrupt her sleeping at night, but we have been very lucky that she has adapted well.

There are a few things that she finds confusing, just a month ago I would pop a babygrow on her and she would be ready for the day, no fuss no bother.  Now the babygrow is just the start; there is a tee shirt, leggings, socks and jumper so I have to use all my best tricks to keep her entertained on the changing table in the morning as she gets layered up for the day.

Though I think it is all my extra layers at feeding time she finds most frustrating.  I can see her thinking; “I didn’t order a mouthful of wooly jumper with my milk!”

I hope you will enjoy sharing my view of motherhood, I’m not expert, just a beginner that is enjoying learning with her baby.

We have recently been fortunate enough to have been featured in The Daily Mail, The Daily Telegraph and several more publications (details to follow).  We have also been invited onto BBC 5 Live, BBC radio London and many more radio shows! 

It is an exciting time for the business and we have been working day and night to cope with the increased demand following the national publicity.  As such we haven’t had chance to contribute anything new to this blog recently but after Christmas we will be ensuring this changes dramatically.  We intend to join forces with several baby-experts to continue to provide a wealth of free and impartial information for new parents.  We’ll also be trying to get lots of parents involved in contributing to the blog by sharing their unique experiences with others.  

I hope you all have a great Christmas and a wonderful new year.

Richard Jenkinson

Attachment parenting (or AP for short) is a style of parenting first proposed by Dr William Sears.  It was designed to promote a strong emotional bond between parents and their children (also known as a secure attachment).  Sears explains how this helps the child become emotionally well-rounded individuals capable of forming and maintaining secure and empathic relationships in adulthood.

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In the recent post ‘Controlled Crying - Naptimes and Cosleeping’ I explained how the Ferber technique wasn’t suited for families with a co-sleeping arrangement due to the very nature of the method. We had a question come into the site from a lady who wanted to know the easiest way of making the transition from a co-sleeping arrangement to a cot in the baby’s own room and how soon after she could start using Ferber. I explained how the transition could be made a little easier and in this post I will continue where I left off.

I have spoken to many parents, with first hand experience, who warn others not to adopt a co-sleeping arrangement as baby will never take to the cot. They go on to explain that babies presented with the transition will scream blue murder until you eventually give in to the relentless bombardment and accept them into your bed with the promise to yourself that you’ll be tougher on them the next night!

I’m not going to get into the whole co-sleeping or cot debate for newborns as we have covered this extensively in previous posts. This post is about helping those who are already in the predicament above.

So what do you do when you are co-sleeping and your baby reaches the age where you feel she should be in a cot in her own room? The answer, I believe, is to take things very gradually. The problem is that your baby has got so used to sleeping next to you that if she suddenly finds herself plonked in unfamiliar surroundings, with no sign of you, she is unlikely to be in the frame of mind to sleep! She’ll be worried that she can’t see, touch, smell or hear you next to her anymore. This will undoubtedly result in some serious screaming and crying out. In my opinion, this is an alarming and stressful experience to put your baby through and it certainly should not be attempted using the Ferber technique.

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We have covered the ‘Ferber Method’ in some detail in previous posts.  However, following a recent comment on the site I thought an extra post was needed to discuss how nap times and co-sleeping fit in with the technique.

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We have continued using J’s bedtime routine with the inclusion of putting her into her cot awake.  Half expecting the same as the night before, however this time it took her 10 minutes to settle.  It is nice to be able to have the evening to ourselves and not having to rush up when she cries.

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We have followed instructions to the letter, and J’s bedtime routine has only changed in the fact that we don’t put her in the cot asleep.  This resulted in her having a hissy fit and crying, so we followed the technique and went in after 10 mins, didn’t pick her up and said ’shh shh’ continuously whilst rubbing her.  We do have the problem that she likes to stand up in her cot so we were concerned that it was going to be a pain.  After 35mins the crying tappered off and by 40 minutes it had gone very quiet.

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All was quiet last night and I went to bed feeling upbeat about starting the Technique.  Surprisingly J slept till 3.45am to which I was woken with screams.  I didn’t go in straight away but when I did she was standing upright in her cot, dummy out and wailing like I’d neglected her for hours.  I quietly went over and without taking her out the cot I swooped her back to lying down.  (not sure if you are allowed to do this as it might be classed as picking up).

For 2 minutes I repeatidly said ‘Shhh Shhh’ and rubbed her belly as that is her usual cue when going to bed to go to sleep.  She went quiet but still eyes wide open.  After what i thought was 2 mins (not easy to count when your tired) I left her.  As soon as I took my hand off her she started crying again. 

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After months and months of being woken up every night (10 months to be precise), I’ve decided to do The Ferber Method starting tonight.  I just want to sleep and I know its going to be hard but I need to do something otherwise I’ll be ending up walking down the aisle with black bags under my eyes.

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I am delighted to announce that our new range of premium gifts for babies are here.  Please feel free to take a look and a listen by visiting the Lullaby Babies home page (http://www.lullaby-babies.co.uk).  The design and manufacture took a considerable amount of time but as I’m sure you’ll agree, it was certainly worth the wait!  

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Please read The Ferber Technique (part one) before attempting this technique.  As I discussed, this method should only be considered if your baby is healthy, well-fed and at least six months old.  Before starting this technique you have to be sure your baby is only crying because he wants something rather than that he actually he needs something.  If you suspect it might be the latter obviously give him everything he needs (a change, a feed etc).  Please note, I am not advocating the Ferber technique, I am simply letting you know the best way to go about it if you decide you want to give it a try. 

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