1st night of Ferber Technique
All was quiet last night and I went to bed feeling upbeat about starting the Technique. Surprisingly J slept till 3.45am to which I was woken with screams. I didn’t go in straight away but when I did she was standing upright in her cot, dummy out and wailing like I’d neglected her for hours. I quietly went over and without taking her out the cot I swooped her back to lying down. (not sure if you are allowed to do this as it might be classed as picking up).
For 2 minutes I repeatidly said ‘Shhh Shhh’ and rubbed her belly as that is her usual cue when going to bed to go to sleep. She went quiet but still eyes wide open. After what i thought was 2 mins (not easy to count when your tired) I left her. As soon as I took my hand off her she started crying again.
At this point I was strong, and let her cry for 8 mins on her own, and went and repeated the previous steps. This lasted an hour, and at one point I thought she’d cracked it as she went quiet…but this was not to be for long. However I did make the crying last for 8-10mins before going in and reassuring her that things were ok.
On the last spurt of crying, J started coughing after each major cry and I’m ashamed to say at this point I gave in. I feel terrible that the 1 hour that i’d invested was all wasted and immediately regreted the decision. But there is a point in all this that motherly instincts kick in and to me she was making herself worse rather than being able to settle herself. Also I dont have the back up at the moment as my other half is away, i’m not making excuses as a first time mum this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and i think i need the re-assurance from my fella to carry on. I do have to say once I had settled J in the usual fashion (taking her to our bed) she slept for longer this morning till 7pm rather than 5.30am. YAY a lie in.
Tonight I am going to try again. D is back from being away for work so I have the back up. I sat there with J last night and I cried with her and felt such a bad mum, and feel selfish that I want a good night sleep. You may ask well its all my own fault for pampering her when she was a newborn, and yes your right. You actually start believing that at some point your child will sleep through the night as everyone elses baby seems to do. And I get angry when I get texts from friends who have just had one bad night and feel exhausted. 10 months of sleepless nights have finally got to me and I am determined to do something about it. Roll on tonight and I will try again.
(Click here to read how the 2nd night went)
August 20th, 2008 at 12:23 pm
Hi. Thank you for sharing the details of your first night with the Ferber technique. You really shouldn’t be so hard on yourself though- the reason you will find this technique so difficult is because you care so much about your daughter.
It is not at all selfish that you want a good night’s sleep. If you don’t start taking action you could become so exhausted that it affects your health and general well-being. Happy, healthy babies need happy, healthy parents so you should keep reminding yourself that ultimately you are doing this for your daughter. Furthermore, you’d be amazed at how many parents say the same things as you on the first few nights with the technique. I can honestly say that in my experience, the majority of parents who stick with it report back that not only was it effective in helping baby sleep through the night but also that their baby is now much happier, rested and calmer during the day time. So when your daughter is crying out tonight and you start to get really upset as well, say to yourself, “I’m doing this for her.”
Some important points to remember: 1) Make sure you’re putting baby to sleep when she is still awake (Ferber claims this is absolutely essential). 2) Try not to pick her up or this will reduce the effectiveness of the technique (and yes, unfortunately I believe this includes ’swooping!’) 3) Once she has been crying for half an hour try to increase your response time to 15-20 mins. Follow the ‘leave after two minutes rule’ and keep checking every 15-20 mins until she is asleep. Upon the next waking start again at a 5-10 minute checking interval and gradually increase to 15-20 again. 4) On your second/third night with the technique you should try and leave out the comforting hand and soothing voice so she really has to learn to comfort herself back to sleep. 5) Every baby is so different and so you should try not to let it bother you that your friends’ babies are sleeping through already. I know it’s easier said than done but there are always going to be people in a sickeningly simpler position but likewise there will be thousands of parents who are in a much worse position than you in terms of night-time parenting.
Finally, I just want to say that no reasonable person would ever think it was your own fault for pampering her as a newborn. You should never feel guilty about the level of love, care and attention you have obviously given your daughter in the first year of her life. And now the time has come for change you are clearly prepared to do what is necessary for your daughter’s and your own long-term well being. Personally, I think you sound like a great mother and I really hope your daughter learns to soothe herself to sleep as quickly as possible.
August 20th, 2008 at 7:28 pm
You poor thing! I never tried the Ferber method myself but my best friend did and she swears by it. I’ll check back to see how you get on- fingers crossed for you!
August 20th, 2008 at 10:03 pm
Thank you sooo much for your reply, its perked me up and given me a bit more strength to cope tonight. I can definitely understand why you have to put baby to bed awake, we’ve always given her milk and she drops off to sleep so quickly in our arms and then into cot. Tonight we put her into the cot awake … we got to 40 minutes of doing the technique and hay presto she was asleep and no swooping her to lie on her back - YAY
Fingers crossed if she wakes up tonight it will be easier, other half is home and is going to help.
Bandhura, thank you for your comment too, def will keep up with the posts. If my posts at least help one other mum then I’ll think it is worth it. Not only that it helps me get out what has happened that night and to see if i’m going wrong or doing something right.
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