The Ferber Method (Part Two)
Please read The Ferber Technique (part one) before attempting this technique. As I discussed, this method should only be considered if your baby is healthy, well-fed and at least six months old. Before starting this technique you have to be sure your baby is only crying because he wants something rather than that he actually he needs something. If you suspect it might be the latter obviously give him everything he needs (a change, a feed etc). Please note, I am not advocating the Ferber technique, I am simply letting you know the best way to go about it if you decide you want to give it a try.
The first step is to really get going with your baby’s consistent pre-bed routine. Remember, babies love predictability and the first step towards an uninterrupted night’s sleep is to follow the same night-time ritual before putting baby down to sleep. Components of this routine may include a feed, a story, a bath, a lullaby etc. Baby will be calmer if he is accustomed to the process that immediately precedes being placed in a cot ready to sleep. Having Grandad energetically jiggling him about before bed might raise a few smiles at the time but it is likely to lead to a poor night’s sleep (for both of them!)
Step two is as simple as it is vital: Put your baby to sleep in his cot while he is still awake. Kiss him goodnight and leave the room.
Step three: When baby starts to cry do not rush in immediately. On your first night with the technique wait around 5-10 minutes before going in. This will feel like an eternity on your first night ( a good tip is to time yourself with a watch, otherwise you will rush in after 30 seconds having convinced yourself it’s time!). When you do go in do not pick baby up or rock or feed him. If you do this you will only reinforce baby’s mindset that crying results in food and attention- two of the biggest rewards going. Instead, comfort him gently by talking softly and if necessary, laying a comforting hand on him. Leave the room after two minutes even if he continues to cry. Someone other than mum might have better luck at this because the scent of breast milk may trigger the hunger response.
The final step is to gradually increase the length of time that you take to attend to baby’s cries and continue this increase in nightly increments. The time you take to respond should be based on how comfortable you feel and how many days you have been using the technique. After around 1-2 weeks Ferber claims that most babies will have learned that crying in the night gets nothing but a quick check-up and will decide it’s not worth their effort! To be honest I know many parents who swear by this technique and are now happily enjoying an uninterrupted night’s sleep once more. So in summary, it has a high success rate but you’ve got to be prepared for a week of hell before you start. Please don’t underestimate how hard it will be to keep from rushing in to respond to your baby’s cries. Also you should be aware that many experts still claim it comes with a risk of emotional and psychological damage even if the baby is healthy and over six months old.
Click here to read a night by night account of Lainy’s experience with the Ferber Method
Tags: babies, baby, Controlled Crying, cry it out, crying, ferber method, Ferber Technique, sleep
August 19th, 2008 at 10:25 am
I’m about to embark on this method from tonight. Little one already has a great bedtime routine, however by around 12.30 she’ll wake up and nothing has worked, even if we give her milk she will still stay awake. So i’m confident that its just our attention that she is after. She is 10 months now and a week to 2 weeks of hell for a even at least one nights full sleep will be worth it. One thing I have been told is if a baby stops crying when you pick them up then they’ve had you on. Just hope in the early hours of the morning when i’m half asleep i can remember what to do lol.
August 19th, 2008 at 10:50 am
Hi Lainy
This sounds like a very typical case and I think it is well worth trying the technique given your situation.
If you think of it from the child’s point of view, she has learned that when she wakes up in the night, all she needs to do is cry out and within seconds her favourite person and her favourite meal will come rushing through the door! This is not an arrangement she will give up easily. However, if you follow the technique and remain strong, she will soon break the association and she will be very likely to start sleeping through.
When you do go in, you should try not to pick her up or the technique will not work. I know this will be difficult but by picking her up you will only reinforce the association of crying = quality attention. Try to comfort her back to sleep by talking softly and laying a soothing hand on her. Remember to leave the room after two minutes, regardless of whether the crying has stopped or not. The point of the Ferber Method is to allow babies to learn to comfort themselves back to sleep. When they learn how to do this, they will be ready to sleep through the night.
In terms of remembering what to do, it might be worthwhile to make a list of bullet points, to remind you of the crucial components of this technique. Go over them in your head prior to bedtime and try and stick to them. Prepare yourself mentally for what’s ahead, it won’t be easy but it will be well worth it if you can get her to sleep through. You must be absolutely exhausted so I wish you all the best of luck and I’d love to hear how you’ve got on with the Ferber technique.
August 25th, 2008 at 7:58 pm
Hi I was wondering-what happens at nap time?I think I am confident enough to try the technique but I don’t want to give my baby mixed messages.Also,my baby is in the same room as me,if she wakes in the night,do I leave the room?I feel to move her into her room is just too much at all at once.She sleeps in my bed but the cot is up against the bed to try and make it familiar,and she will lie down in it and has slept in there.I just don’t want to undertake too much at once,and really make it any tougher than it has to be on her.
Thanks, zoe
August 28th, 2008 at 12:07 pm
Hi Zoe, thanks for your comment. i actually think the points you raised warranted their own post so I have written it here: The Ferber Mthod-Naptimes & Cosleeping