Ever since we “ferber-ized” Aidan, I couldn’t help but feel that I was missing out on holding him and watching him fall asleep in my arms.  I felt conflicted.  I was happy that he was going to sleep independently at the same time, I missed feeling his small body cuddled up to mine or his head on my shoulder.

Well lately, I have a good blend.  For his afternoon nap, after we read a story, I hold Aidan for a bit, walk him around and on days that he’s especially wired, I hold him close and dance.  Anything from a gentle sway to the Foxtrot.  I watch as his eyes slowly drift to a close.  After a final kiss goodnight, he’s ready for his bed.

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After days of frustration and scouring the net for some new wisdom, I found the answer.  I chided myself for not figuring this out sooner as obvious as it was and under my nose the whole entire time.

I am now the wiser and want to share this advice with you in case you’ve been in the same position as me.

Why was Aidan fussing at naptime and bedtime and why was putting him to sleep such a hit and miss.  The answer….lack of quiet time.

So easily put by some wise parent (that had no doubt been in my shoes at some point in time), babies, like adults need quiet time to wind down before bed.

We had a routine (dinner, bath, bottle, in bed with singing and patting), but some nights were easier than others.  The not so easy nights, Aidan took up to 1 hour to go to sleep fussing and fighting the whole time.

The last few days and nights have been SOOOO much easier.  At naptime, I shut the door to our room, sit with Aidan in a clear space (i.e. no distractions or toys), sing him a song (Raindrops on roses….from Sound of Music), within minutes I’m rewarded with a yawn and the telltale rubbing of the eyes.  Once the song is done, Aidan gets nursed and he’s out.  The whole process takes less than 10 minutes.  Yippee!!!!

At night, the bedtime routine starts at 7pm with dinner (some solid food), then bath, then a bottle in a dimly lit room accompanied with a song.  Aidan arrives at the land of nod by 8:30 pm.

I have to say, I’m now a much calmer person and he’s happier for this routine as well.

To quote Archimedes…”Eureka!”

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A few weeks ago, my husband and I started an adapted version of the Ferber method, where rather than put my son down in the room and let him cry for a bit then check on him periodically, we would stay in the room, encourage him to sleep, pat his back and even sing to him until he did in fact fall asleep.  Now we share this room with Aidan, but his bedtime is 8:30 pm where as we get to stay up till later (yay adulthood).

For the first few days, it was anguish.  He fussed, fought and then after what seemed like an eternity, finally fell asleep.  Now I feel like we’ve gone from one bad habit to another.  Let me explain.  Before the Ferber method, we would rock, walk or do whatever it took to put Aidan to sleep, including holding him while he slept and then trying to put him down gently (if he’d let us).  Now instead of him being independent, he wants us to pat, sing and sit with him until he finally dains to go to sleep.  I feel like we’ve regressed completely.

I can’t bear to hear him cry and fuss (although I know it’s more of a manipulation thing), but at the same time, sitting with him for 30 + minutes is not ok.  We check on him and make sure he’s fed, safe, changed etc etc (using the checklist), but now I’m at a loss as to what it’s going to take to fix the problem.

This kid has enormous energy, even though I know he’s tired and exhibits the signs of fatigue.  He can fuss for more than an hour until he finally gets exhausted enough to fall asleep.

I’m looking for tactics to undo what I’ve done wrong and truly train him on falling asleep independently.  Nap-time is a whole ‘nother problem that I won’t even go into in this post!

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