Penelope Leach, the child development guru, has reignited the debate about the best way to deal with a crying baby when she recently announced that, “Leaving your baby to cry could damage its brain.”

Via the TV, radio and most noticeably the internet, parents and professionals alike have been queuing up to put in their two cents’ worth on this very old debate.  Generally, there are three types of opinion you’re likely to find voiced on the internet:  1) Leaving your baby to cry is unforgivable and unnatural and you are an awful parent if you don’t endure months of sleepless nights 2) You should leave your baby in the shed at the end of the garden and leave them to it- that’s what my mother did for me and it never did me any harm 3)  Parents know best so you shouldn’t even bother reading books or listening to the so called experts as they know nothing.  Okay so I may be guilty of using a little hyperbole here but if you read through a couple of forums you’ll see that I’m not far off!

It’s the parents and ultimately the baby that I feel sorry for.  When parents read such sensationalist headlines it strikes them with fear and worry.  In my view, this is exactly the reason that the professionals make them so people will buy the publication and read about their latest book and think, “I must buy this to find out if I’m harming my baby.”  Some may call mine a cynical view and everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  On a separate note Leach’s new book The Essential First Year  has just been launched and is available in all good bookshops. (more…)

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We have covered Controlled Crying (also known as The Ferber Method) in some detail in previous posts.  However, following a recent comment on the site I thought an extra post was needed to discuss how nap times and co-sleeping fit in with the technique.

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We have continued using J’s bedtime routine with the inclusion of putting her into her cot awake.  Half expecting the same as the night before, however this time it took her 10 minutes to settle.  It is nice to be able to have the evening to ourselves and not having to rush up when she cries.

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We have followed instructions to the letter, and J’s bedtime routine has only changed in the fact that we don’t put her in the cot asleep.  This resulted in her having a hissy fit and crying, so we followed the technique and went in after 10 mins, didn’t pick her up and said ‘shh shh’ continuously whilst rubbing her.  We do have the problem that she likes to stand up in her cot so we were concerned that it was going to be a pain.  After 35mins the crying tappered off and by 40 minutes it had gone very quiet.

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All was quiet last night and I went to bed feeling upbeat about starting the Technique.  Surprisingly J slept till 3.45am to which I was woken with screams.  I didn’t go in straight away but when I did she was standing upright in her cot, dummy out and wailing like I’d neglected her for hours.  I quietly went over and without taking her out the cot I swooped her back to lying down.  (not sure if you are allowed to do this as it might be classed as picking up).

For 2 minutes I repeatidly said ‘Shhh Shhh’ and rubbed her belly as that is her usual cue when going to bed to go to sleep.  She went quiet but still eyes wide open.  After what i thought was 2 mins (not easy to count when your tired) I left her.  As soon as I took my hand off her she started crying again. 

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After months and months of being woken up every night (10 months to be precise), I’ve decided to do The Ferber Method starting tonight.  I just want to sleep and I know its going to be hard but I need to do something otherwise I’ll be ending up walking down the aisle with black bags under my eyes.

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Dr Richard Ferber was the first to propose the idea of ‘controlled crying’ in 1985.  Since then it has taken on many names such as, cry it out, self-soothing, sleep training, crying down and many more.  Some techniques vary slightly in the details but they all work along the same basic principal as Ferber first proposed.

There are few baby-related issues that evoke as much controversy as this one.  Some big names in the field frequently have fiery exchanges because of their conflicting points of view.  Many will remember Gina Ford and Dr Miriam Stoppard for example, who had a fierce debate on The Today Programme over the issue.  

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There is a theory that advises you not to respond to a newborn baby’s cries during the night because it will teach him to comfort himself back to sleep and therefore, he won’t bother you as much. I have to say, this is the worst advice I have ever come across. A newborn baby in the early stage of growth is very vulnerable and it is the parents’ duty to satisfy every need of their offspring. Letting him ‘cry it out’ could be very psychologically and physically damaging to the child in the early stages of development. Later on, there does come a point in development when baby will need to learn to comfort himself on his own (click here for more info), however, as far as the right and safest way to look after your newborn is concerned: give him everything he needs, and yes that obviously means some sleepless nights in the beginning.

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