Some key principles of attachment parenting include extended breast-feeding, baby-wearing (where the parent carries baby around all day in a sling) and a gentle, loving approach to night-time parenting including co-sleeping.  Attachment parents believe that contrasting styles of parenting promote the child’s independence too early on in the child’s life and this damages the parent-child attachment.   

It should be noted that the night-time parenting philosophy in this method strongly conflicts with the Ferber technique and other theories that we have previously discussed on this site.  

When writing this blog, I deliberately choose to examine conflicting parenting styles because it is my intention to remain impartial and put forward the differing schools of thought.  I intend to point out the advantages and disadvantages of each technique without bias. 

The reason I do this is because I believe strongly that every family and situation is different and that it’s up to the parents to decide what is best for their child.  To Sears’ credit he does not preach Attachment Parenting as an absolute.  Instead he describes it as a tool to be used to ‘complete the job.’  He advises parents to pick and choose the components that suit their personal circumstances which is a mindset I wish every author in his field would share!  

If there are any attachment parents who stumble across this blog, please feel free to share your experiences and opinions with our readers because there will be many new parents currently in the process of deciding which style of parenting is right for them.  Your contribution may prove to be invaluable in the decision-making process.  

I have spoken to many parents, with first hand experience, who warn others not to adopt a co-sleeping arrangement as baby will never take to the cot. They go on to explain that babies presented with the transition will scream blue murder until you eventually give in to the relentless bombardment and accept them into your bed with the promise to yourself that you’ll be tougher on them the next night!

I’m not going to get into the whole co-sleeping or cot debate for newborns as we have covered this extensively in previous posts. This post is about helping those who are already in the predicament above.

So what do you do when you are co-sleeping and your baby reaches the age where you feel she should be in a cot in her own room? The answer, I believe, is to take things very gradually. The problem is that your baby has got so used to sleeping next to you that if she suddenly finds herself plonked in unfamiliar surroundings, with no sign of you, she is unlikely to be in the frame of mind to sleep! She’ll be worried that she can’t see, touch, smell or hear you next to her anymore. This will undoubtedly result in some serious screaming and crying out. In my opinion, this is an alarming and stressful experience to put your baby through and it certainly should not be attempted using the Ferber technique.

Instead of going from one extreme to the other, you should consider getting hold of a cot that attaches to your bed and letting your baby get used to that sleeping arrangement first. This is a much easier transition to make because you are still close to her and her surroundings haven’t changed a great deal. I wouldn’t advise being tough at this stage. If she complains, comfort her in the same way she is used to until she learns that things haven’t really changed enough to complain about.

Once she gets used to that arrangement you could try moving the cot away from your bed a little bit and seeing how she takes to that. If she is fine with that, keep moving the cot further and further away until you decide the time is right for her to have her own room. Hopefully, the gradual change should make it much less stressful for her.

When she wakes up and finds herself in a new room she will still undoubtedly cry out for you. I would still be inclined, at this stage, to comfort her in much the same way as she has been used to. Once a few nights have gone by, if she is still waking and crying frequently, you could consider starting the Ferber Technique (as long as she is more than six months old).

There are no hard and fast rules for the above and the most important thing is for you to use your instincts to judge how the transition is going and when it’s right to move onto the next stage.

The major problem that parents face when attempting the transition is that they only decide to start once their baby’s sleep has become disrupted. This usually means that just as baby is experiencing teething and other developmental milestones, her parents decide that this is the best time for her to move out! Obviously, this is not going to work and will just make the problem much worse. My advice is to start the transition while your baby is sleeping well. The decision to deliberately sabotage your sleep is a tough one to make but trust me, in the long run, it will be well worth it.

For those parents who have left it too late and are sharing a bed with a baby who is already experiencing the developmental milestones, my advice is to try and wait it out. It will be a very difficult time for all of you but there is no miracle cure for this one unfortunately.

To close, I want to offer one final tip that has been passed on to me by many parents who have described their baby reacting to the cot, during the transition, as if it were ‘electrified’ even if they were fast asleep! They reported after much trial and error that it was often the temperature of the cot that caused the adverse reaction. Babies are very sensitive to temperature and if they have been used to being wrapped up warmly in your bed and suddenly find themselves on a cold, stale matress, they might have something to say about it! You might want to try warming the matress by rubbing it with your hands or using a hot water bottle for a couple of minutes.

Good luck and let me know your own experiences with this!

In terms of nap-times, you should follow exactly the same procedure as you do during the night (I’m not going to repeat myself by writing out the procedure again because you can read it here.)  As Zoe rightly pointed out, if you didn’t follow the same technique during the daytime naps you would confuse your baby by sending her ‘mixed messages.’ 

As for cosleeping, the Ferber Method relies on your baby sleeping in a cot in her own room.  Obviously, this is an either/or situation.  If you are happy with your co-sleeping arrangement then the Ferber method is not for you.  In Zoe’s comment she asked whether she could incorporate the Ferber method into her current co-sleeping arrangement by leaving the room each time her baby wakes up crying.  I personally don’t think this would work and I strongly recommend it shouldn’t even be attempted.  The crucial point of the Ferber Method is to teach babies to soothe themselves to sleep.  This means them waking up alone and being able to comfort themselves back to sleep without screaming out for mum or dad.  If you attempted controlled crying whilst co-sleeping your baby would not be waking up alone and the first thing she would see was her mum leaving the room.  Furthermore, when it came to her making the transition to her own room it would probably mean starting again from square one. 

When you decide it is the right time to make the transition to your baby having her own room then I would advise you leave the Ferber Method well alone until your baby gets used the change.  Moving surroundings will be a stressful enough time without adding to the trouble.  I will write a separate post soon to discuss how you can make the transition as easy as possible for both of you.  Just off the top of my head, I like the idea of having a crib in the same room at first and getting baby used to sleeping in there.  You could then gradually move this further away from your bed before you make the jump to a different room.  I also think it would be wise to start using the crib for nap times and moving this into baby’s own room.  This will make the night-time change a little more familiar and easier to deal with.  Personally,  I think it needs to be a very gradual change to minimise the distress.  Once your baby has got used to this arrangement, if needed, you can start implementing the Ferber technique.   

The night was very successful.  We only heard her once whimper, but that was it.  I don’t think she woke up but just stirred.  The whole night was undisturbed.  I’m wondering if from our old routine of putting her into bed asleep was our problem as her last memory would have been in our arms and she would be expecting us. 

J didn’t wake up till 7am today which means nearly 12 hours sleep for her.  Her mood is much better today and she’s not as clingy as she has been.  She is quite happily entertaining herself playing with her own toys.  Any Mummy managed to get a good night sleep.  This could all change, so yet again i’m not pining my hopes on the fact that after 2 nights she has cracked it.

I was going to take an early night but unfortunately that didn’t happen and I was dreading the night.  I shouldn’t have worried so much because this morning we woke up at 6.30am and I don’t know how it happened but J had slept through the night!!  I can count on 1 hand the amounts of times she’s slept through.  I have a feeling that the crying she did before she went to sleep tired her out.

I do however feel better for having a whole nights sleep, kind of a new woman lol.  Hoping that this isnt a one off and if by a miracle she’s learnt from her one time experience of controlled crying that we are not going to entertain the idea of going in immediately and comforting her.  But I do have a feeling that will not be the case so early on.

Obviously I will be reporting back after tonight.  The one thing that i haven’t mentioned before is what sleep she has during the day.  So will write here my schedule of what we do:

Get up

Breakfast

2 hours later milk and then an hour to an hour and a half sleep.

1pm Lunch (no milk - but juice)

2pm Sleep (even if she doesn’t want to go to sleep I still put her down for her sleep)

4pm snack

6pm Dinner

7pm bath

7.30pm milk and then bed

I think it is important that J gets her naps during the day and nothing after 3pm.  I was once told before that sleeping after 3pm affects your sleep pattern at night.  I can from 1st hand experience tell you that this is correct, I suffer myself from sleep paralysis and if I have slept after 3pm notice that it is heightened.

(Click here to read how the 3rd night went) 

For 2 minutes I repeatidly said ‘Shhh Shhh’ and rubbed her belly as that is her usual cue when going to bed to go to sleep.  She went quiet but still eyes wide open.  After what i thought was 2 mins (not easy to count when your tired) I left her.  As soon as I took my hand off her she started crying again. 

At this point I was strong, and let her cry for 8 mins on her own, and went and repeated the previous steps.  This lasted an hour, and at one point I thought she’d cracked it as she went quiet…but this was not to be for long.  However I did make the crying last for 8-10mins before going in and reassuring her that things were ok. 

On the last spurt of crying, J started coughing after each major cry and I’m ashamed to say at this point I gave in.  I feel terrible that the 1 hour that i’d invested was all wasted and immediately regreted the decision.  But there is a point in all this that motherly instincts kick in and to me she was making herself worse rather than being able to settle herself.  Also I dont have the back up at the moment as my other half is away, i’m not making excuses as a first time mum this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and i think i need the re-assurance from my fella to carry on.  I do have to say once I had settled J in the usual fashion (taking her to our bed) she slept for longer this morning till 7pm rather than 5.30am.  YAY a lie in.

Tonight I am going to try again.  D is back from being away for work so I have the back up.  I sat there with J last night and I cried with her and felt such a bad mum, and feel selfish that I want a good night sleep.  You may ask well its all my own fault for pampering her when she was a newborn, and yes your right.  You actually start believing that at some point your child will sleep through the night as everyone elses baby seems to do.  And I get angry when I get texts from friends who have just had one bad night and feel exhausted.  10 months of sleepless nights have finally got to me and I am determined to do something about it.  Roll on tonight and I will try again.

(Click here to read how the 2nd night went)

I’m lucky in some respects, bedtime routine is up and running and I don’t have a problem putting little one to bed.  It’s just as I’ve got myself settled and asleep for an hour she wakes up.  I’m actually in two minds, I’m dreading this but then looking forward to the sleep.  I know i’m going to be even more exhausted than usual but it is the bank holiday coming up and i’m hoping my other half will help.

Right its 20.10 little one is fast asleep in bed.  She had loads for dinner tonight, we shall see how the nite develops and then i’m report back in my blog.  Fingers crossed.

(Click here to read how the first night went)

I want to say a big thank you to Inchpunch Design of North Yorkshire and Science City York.  Without these two organisations, it would not have been possible to have produced such a unique and elegant design. 

The difficulty in developing the packaging concept was that we were in new territory due to there not being another product like it on the market.  Therefore, we did not have the luxury of using a similar design as a reference point.  If I were to create a new perfume for example, I could design the packaging by examining the range of other perfumes on the market that I believed had it just right.  I could then fuse the best components together from each design to create a starting point for my own perfume.  Manufacturing would also be straight-forward because of the abundance of high-quality firms that specialise in producing that specific type of packaging.  Unfortunately for us, it was not that simple! 

Because we were creating a unique, brand-new product, it had to be done the hard way!  I knew I wanted a design that was stylish, wholesome and that was in synergy with the product itself.  I wanted it to ooze quality and have that certain something that made it fresh, pure and baby-like.  Once we developed the perfect-looking design, we then needed to make countless refinements to incorporate the practical considerations.  For example, because our gifts are delivered via the mail, I wanted the product to be small enough to fit through every letter box to save my customers an annoying trip to their local depot if they weren’t in when it arrived.

Once all the refinements were made we then had to find a company that could manufacture the unique product to our specifications.  In the end, it actually took three separate companies to produce the component parts which meant we had to assemble them, by hand, at our head-quarters!   

As I say, it was well-worth it in the end and I am very proud of the new range of products we have on sale.   

The first step is to really get going with your baby’s consistent pre-bed routine.  Remember, babies love predictability and the first step towards an uninterrupted night’s sleep is to follow the same night-time ritual before putting baby down to sleep.  Components of this routine may include a feed, a story, a bath, a lullaby etc.  Baby will be calmer if he is accustomed to the process that immediately precedes being placed in a cot ready to sleep.  Having Grandad energetically jiggling him about before bed might raise a few smiles at the time but it is likely to lead to a poor night’s sleep (for both of them!)  

Step two is as simple as it is vital:  Put your baby to sleep in his cot while he is still awake.  Kiss him goodnight and leave the room. 

Step three:  When baby starts to cry do not rush in immediately.  On your first night with the technique wait around 5-10 minutes before going in.  This will feel like an eternity on your first night ( a good tip is to time yourself with a watch, otherwise you will rush in after 30 seconds having convinced yourself it’s time!).  When you do go in do not pick baby up or rock or feed him.  If you do this you will only reinforce baby’s mindset that crying results in food and attention- two of the biggest rewards going.  Instead, comfort him gently by talking softly and if necessary, laying a comforting hand on him.  Leave the room after two minutes even if he continues to cry.  Someone other than mum might have better luck at this because the scent of breast milk may trigger the hunger response. 

The final step is to gradually increase the length of time that you take to attend to baby’s cries and continue this increase in nightly increments.  The time you take to respond should be based on how comfortable you feel and how many days you have been using the technique.  After around 1-2 weeks Ferber claims that most babies will have learned that crying in the night gets nothing but a quick check-up and will decide it’s not worth their effort!  To be honest I know many parents who swear by this technique and are now happily enjoying an uninterrupted night’s sleep once more.  So in summary, it has a high success rate but you’ve got to be prepared for a week of hell before you start.  Please don’t underestimate how hard it will be to keep from rushing in to respond to your baby’s cries.  Also you should be aware that many experts still claim it comes with a risk of emotional and psychological damage even if the baby is healthy and over six months old.   

Click here to read a night by night account of Lainy’s experience with the Ferber Method

There are few baby-related issues that evoke as much controversy as this one.  Some big names in the field frequently have fiery exchanges because of their conflicting points of view.  Many will remember Gina Ford and Dr Miriam Stoppard for example, who had a fierce debate on The Today Programme over the issue.  

For those of you who have read my post on Cry it Out you will be aware of my personal opinion on the matter.  It’s my contention that in the first six months newborn babies have legitimate night-time needs and it is the parent’s duty to satisfy these needs.  Obviously, this means some sleepless nights in the beginning.  Parenting is one of the most challenging (and rewarding) things we will ever do and I just think trying to take a shortcut is a typical reflection of our modern lives, with our impatience and obsession for convenience often dicating our actions.  Yes, the technique will definitely help you and your baby sleep longer hours through the night but at what cost?   The point is that nobody knows for sure and I for one wouldn’t be prepared to take the risk of causing the emotional and psychological damage that many experts claim is a genuine possibility. 

However, it is down to you, the parents, to decide whether it is worth the risk or not.  I would never be so naive and arrogant as to try and tell you what to do.  The purpose of this blog is merely to advise on both sides of the argument to allow you to make an informed decision about what is right for your situation.   For example, healthy babies need healthy parents and you might be getting such a poor quality of sleep that you decide controlled crying is the lesser of two evils. 

It is important that I make it very clear that my objection to the Ferber method applies to the baby’s first six months only.  After this period, if baby is putting on weight well and is in good health then I think there is a place for controlled crying (or one of its derivatives) to solve sleep-related problems. For further information you might be interested in reading Dr Richard Ferber’s book, ‘Solve your Child’s Sleep Problems.’ 

Tomorrow I will conclude this post by detailing the best way to perform the controlled crying technique.  The Ferber Method Part Two.

If, like many parents, you decide that baby should sleep in a moses-basket or carry cot to begin with, you can buy specially sized sheets and blankets for this purpose. This makes it easier to ensure that there isn’t an excess of fabric that baby could potentially wriggle down under and have their breathing restricted by. I highly recommend buying the right-sized bedding for the sleeping solution you choose. Although, there are a variety of fabrics available, I would suggest you consider the stretch-cotton sheets as these are less likely to become loose in the night and taking them off and putting them back on is a doddle.

Sleeping bags are a great solution to baby’s night-time needs but although they are availble for newborns, most parents prefer to start using them after the baby is about one -three months old.

For me, the main advantage of sleeping-bags for babies is that they can’t be wriggled off in the night and therefore, baby is less likely to protest during the night that he or she is too cold.

You will only need a few bottom sheets for the cot if you’re using a sleeping bag but if it’s an especially cold night you may want to put an extra sheet or blanket on top of the bag. You should never use a duvet or quilt with a sleeping bag as baby would be far to hot.

It is also essential that you find the right sized sleeping bag because if it’s too large baby may slide down inside the bag which would greatly restrict air flow and could become very dangerous.

Duvets and pillows should not be used until baby is at least one year old.  This is because they can restrict movement, provide excessive warmth and pose a suffocation risk to young babies.  After a year, you may wish to swap the sleeping bag or blanket/sheet arrangement for a duvet or quilt.  If so, it is a wise idea to look for hypoallergenic one with a cover of 100 percent cotton.

This English folk song goes as far back as the 17th Century. Over the years there have been many covers, some good and some ..well, shall we say, not so good!? Burl Ives, Dinah Shore and Sammy Turner have all recorded their own versions. It had a very popular spell during the 1950s Rock & Roll era when a Philadelphia-born singer/songwriter released his version. He was known as the King of Rock N Soul and also as Big Sol- can anyone name him?

Lyrics

Lavender’s blue dilly dilly lavender’s green,
When I am King dilly dilly you shall be Queen,
Call up your friends dilly dilly set them to work,
Some to the plough dilly dilly some to the fork

Some to the hay dilly dilly some to thresh corn,
Whilst you and I dilly dilly keep ourselves warm,
Lavender’s blue dilly dilly lavender’s green,
When I am King dilly dilly you shall be Queen

Instant mp3 Download of Full Track £0.99

Short Audio Clip

Clip Download

Johann Pacelbel died in 1706 but his memory lives on through his music.  This song is a popular choice for weddings but we thought it could also make a wonderful lullaby.  We recorded a very special arrangement using only acoustic guitars.  We are delighted with the result- it sounds beautiful but don’t take our word for it -have a listen for yourself.  

Instant mp3 Download of Full Track £0.99

Short Audio Clip

Clip Download

The correct spelling is actually ’Ave Maria’ which translates to ‘Hail Mary.’  It is one of the most popular songs to listen to at Christmas time and one of my personal all-time favourites, despite the countless occasions upon which carol singers have murdered it on my doorstep! 

Instant mp3 Download of Full Track £0.99

Short Audio Clip

Clip Download

Lyrics

Are you going to Scarborough fair?  | Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me the one who lives there | For once she was a true love of mine

Have her make me a cambric shirt | Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Without no seam nor fine needlework | And then she’ll be a true love of mine

Tell her to find me an acre of land | Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Between the sea foam and over the sand | And then she’ll be a true love of mine

Instant mp3 Download of Full Track £0.99

Short Audio Clip

Clip Download

If so we’d like to hear from you.  We would set everything up for you so whenever you felt like it you could add a post to this blog with the greatest of ease.  By sharing your experiences of night-time parenting you’d be reaching out and helping worried new parents around the globe. 

You may even be a new parent yourself and might enjoy decribing your experiences in detail, as they happen.  Not only would this be a wonderful record to keep and an invaluable resource for other parents, but if you were ever worried about something, you could post a question and other parents could answer you directly and objectively.  There would be a very high level of mutual benefit in doing this.  One of the most comforting things that any new parent can learn is that they are not alone and that everyone is in the same boat- you may even end up making a few new pals.   There would be no requirements and you could blog as much or as little as you liked about any topic within the field of baby sleep.  

Once we get a team of parents on board we would start running regular competitions and giveways to provide even more of an incentive to blog.

So if you’re interested in becoming part of the Lullaby Babies community please email me at: 

blog@lullaby-babies.co.uk   

Thank you

We are proud to announce that Lullaby Babies is in the running for two awards sponsored by The Press. 

The company is up for Science and Technology Business Of The Year and I personally am up for the Young Business Entrepreneur Of The Year title.

With the imminent launch of our new product range this opportunity has come at a really exciting time for myself and the business.

I’ll let you know when the results have been announced- keep your fingers crossed for us!

 Lyrics

Please note, we changed the words in last line of each verse as we believe it makes a much nicer sentiment.

Instant mp3 Download of Full Track £0.99

Short Audio Clip

Clip Download

Lullabies for Bedtime Babies

Lyrics 

Please note, this is our unique version of this song with some original words that are subject to copyright.

Lullaby and goodnight, Close your eyes and sleep tight,
Over us the stars shine, For I’m yours and you’re mine,
Lay you down now and rest, May your slumber be blessed,
Lay you down now and rest, May your slumber be blessed,

Lullaby and goodnight, May your dreams bring delight,
What you need I will provide, I’m never far from your side,
Soft and warm is your bed, Close your eyes rest your head,
Soft and warm is your bed, Close your eyes rest your head.

Clip Download

Lyrics

Hush little baby don’t say a word, Papa’s gonna buy you a mockingbird,
And if that mockingbird won’t sing, Papa’s gonna buy you a diamond ring,
And if that diamond ring turns brass, Papa’s gonna buy you a looking glass,
And if that looking glass gets broke, Papa’s gonna buy you a billy goat,
And if that billy goat won’t pull, Papa’s gonna buy you a cart and bull,
And if that cart and bull turn over, Papa’s gonna buy you a dog named Rover,
And if that dog named Rover won’t bark, Papa’s gonna buy you a horse and cart,
And if that horse and cart fall down, You’ll still be the sweetest little baby in town.

Hush Little Baby mp3- Full Track Instant mp3 Download £0.99

Short Audio Clip

Download Sample

Lyrics

Twinkle twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are,
Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky,
Twinkle twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are.

When the blazing sun is gone, When he nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light, Twinkle twinkle through the night,
Twinkle twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are.

Then the traveller in the dark, Thanks you for your tiny spark,
He couldn’t see which way to go, If you didn’t twinkle so,
Twinkle twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are.

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star mp3- Instant Download £0.99

Short Audio Clip

Download Sample

Anders, T. F., Goodlin-Jones, B. L., & Sadeh, A. (1999). Sleep disorders. In C. H. Zeanah (Ed.), Handbook of Infant Mental Health (pp. 326-338). New York: Guilford Press.

K. Bates et al, “What is swaddling?” Available from: http://www.babycentre.co.uk/baby/sleep/swaddlingexpert/ (09/10/07)

P. S. Blair, P. J. Fleming, D. Bensley, et al, “Where Should Babies Sleep – Along or With Parents? Factors Influencing the Risk Of SIDS in the CESDI Study,” British Medical Journal 319 (1999): 1457-1462.

Bupa’s Health Information Team (2006). “Sudden infant death syndrome (SIDS).” Available from: http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/html/sids.html (09/10/07)

BUPA’s Health Information Team. “Colic.” Available from: http://hcd2.bupa.co.uk/fact_sheets/html/sids.html (09/10/07)

Louis, J., Cannard, C., Bastuji, H., & Challamel, M.-J. (1997). Sleep ontogenesis revisited: A longitudinal 24-hour home polygraphic study on 15 normal infants during the first two years of life. Sleep, 20(5), 323-333.

R. G. Carpenter et al., “Sudden Unexplained Infant Death in 20 Regions in Europe: Case Control Study,” Lancet 2004; 363: 185-191.

M. Crawford, “Parenting Practices in the Basque Country: Implications of Infant and Childhood Sleeping Location for Personality Development” Ethos 22, no 1 (1994): 42-82.

D. A. Drago and A. L. Dannenberg, “Infant Mechanical Suffocation Deaths in the United States, 1980-1997,” Paediatrics 103, no. 5 (1999): e59.

Ficca, G., Fagioli, I., & Salzarulo, P. (2000). “Sleep organization in the first year of life: Developmental trends in the quiet sleep-paradoxical sleep cycle”. Journal of Sleep Research, 9, 1-4.

T Field, “Touch in Early Development,” (Mahway, New Jersey: Lawrence Earlbaum and Assoc., 1995).

J. F. Forbes et al., “The Cosleeping Habits of Military Children,” Military Medicine 157 (1992): 196-200.
The Foundation for the Study of Infant Deaths Editorial Team, “Baby mentor advice broadcast on Channel 4 puts babies’ lives at risk.” Available from: http://www.fsid.org.uk/channel4-news.html (09/10/07)

P. Hames (2002). “Help your baby to sleep.” HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd.

Goodlin-Jones, B. L., Burnham, M. M., Gaylor, E. E., & Anders, T. F. (2001). “Night waking, sleep-wake organization, and self-soothing in the first year of life.” Developmental and Behavioral Pediatrics, 22(4), 226-233.

P. Heron, “Non-Reactive Cosleeping and Child Behavior: Getting a Good Night’s Sleep All Night, Every Night,” Master’s thesis, Department of Psychology, University of Bristol, 1994.

A. Lavin, S Glasser (2007). “Baby & Toddler Sleep Solutions.” Wiley Publishing, Inc.

McKenna, J., et al, “Experimental studies of infant-parent co-sleeping: Mutual physiological and behavioural influences and their relevance to SIDS (sudden infant death syndrome).” Early Human Development 38 (1994)187-201.

Quine, L. (1997). “Solving Children’s sleep Problems”, Beckett Karlson, Cambridge

C. Richard et al., “Sleeping Position, Orientation, and Proximity in Bed sharing Infants and Mothers,” Sleep 19 (1996): 667-684.

W. Sears (2005). “The Baby Sleep Book: How to Help Your Baby to Sleep and Have a Restful Night.” Harper Thorsons.

W. Sears (2006). “8 INFANT SLEEP FACTS EVERY PARENT SHOULD KNOW.” Available from: http://www.askdrsears.com/html/7/T070200.asp (09/10/07).

Talaris Research Institute (2007) “Goodnight Baby” Available from: http://www.talaris.org/spotlight_goodnight.htm (10/10/2009)

The purpose of the category ‘General Safety’ is to address some of the more miscellaneous safety issues that do not warrant their own category.

• Get ready for your baby to cry from 30 to 60 minutes but remember this is a want not a need. At this age in the child’s development you really shouldn’t give in to his demands easily or you will only reinforce his confidence in this technique’s effectiveness and you’ll increase the problem.

• In the middle of the night, analyse the cries and decide honestly, if you think he’s really in need or if he only wants attention. If you’re sure it’s just the latter, be strong and wait him out. This will give him the chance to cry it out and learn to comfort himself back to sleep. If you must go back in the room, give him a pat on the head and a soothing sentence but do not pick him up or this may signal playtime! (Please note ‘crying it out’ is not acceptable for younger babies and we advise strongly against it).

Once you’ve taken the above measures and tackled separation anxiety your nights should be peaceful once more. The hard part is over and all that remains are a few little adjustments to reflect the physical and mental development of your child. (Lavin, Glaser, 2007)

A great comforter to a child with separation anxiety is routine. The consistent bedtime rituals you established in the latter half of your child’s first year become incredibly useful once more. If you didn’t establish any bedtime rituals then now is a great time to start. Although predictability is paramount, you want your bedtime rituals to be moulded towards your child’s development. The minor subtleties of the rituals such as the stories you read her, the music you play and the pre-bed snack should change with age but if you have a consistent routine, tweaking these details won’t affect her.

As soon as you notice the first signs of separation anxiety, the bed-time rituals should come back into play and strictly adhered to once more. However, now the child is a little older we can make some improvements to the ritual to ease the anxiety:

• Talk to her more. Try to use short, clear sentences to explain that it’s approaching bed-time. Use the same sentences every night because she will be comforted by the repetition. For example, you might exaggerate a yawn and say: “You must be getting very tired- it’s almost time for bed!” You’d be surprised to know how much she understands verbally.

• Try to keep the bedtime consistent. There may be a strong temptation to delay the bedtime on various nights so that a partner can return home from work and spend some quality time with baby. However, this will only exaggerate the problem and should be avoided wherever possible- a solution would be to try and make some quality time in the morning.

• Now that baby is passed the one year mark it is safe for her to take a comforting teddy or security blanket to bed with her. Include this item in the bedtime ritual so that when the time comes for you to leave for the night, the feeling of being left all alone will be bridged by the teddy or blanket. It may sound strange but rubbing the item on your face will leave a strong scent of you with baby which can be very comforting during the separation anxiety stage.

As adults we can relate to stressful experiences during the day causing sleep problems at night. This is the same with tots. Therefore try to keep the days as predictable as possible and try to reduce the daytime stress during this stage. For a tot experiencing separation anxiety, thrusting her into the arms of strangers and even some relatives can easily cause a lot of stress. Instead let your child decide how sociable she will be at this stage.

Also use the following tips during the day:

• Keep naptimes at consistent times of day and prepare for them in the routine way with a lullaby, dimming of lights, a cuddle etc.

• If you can you should probably avoid introducing a new babysitter at this stage in the tot’s development.

• At the times when you do need to leave your tot, keep things breezy. Smile, kiss her on the cheek and say in a cheerful voice: “Bye bye, I shall see you soon” and don’t reveal that you’re anxious about the departure as well!

• Try to minimise the time you’re away as much as possible, avoiding business trips or weekends away at this stage in the baby’s life. Baby’s concept of time is still very limited and this time apart may seem like a life time which will only exacerbate the sleepless nights.

• If practical, consider holding off pre-school until your tot’s verbal skills and ability to understand that you do come back, helps them deal with the scary new situation much more easily. Children under three will often react strongly to being separated from their parent or guardian, but if pre-school is necessary, a child over two can make the transition with only short-lived protest.
(Lavin, Glaser, 2007)

Advantages

Not only is it far more convenient for breast-feeding mothers but research has shown that babies and mothers sleep much better when they share a bed, with solo baby sleepers being shown to spend four times longer crying each night (McKenna, J., et al 1994). It has also been shown that bed sharing babies have more stable temperatures (C. Richard et al 1996), regular heart rhythms, and fewer long pauses in breathing compared to babies who sleep alone (T. Field 1995). This means baby sleeps physiologically safer.

The results from several studies have suggested that co-sleeping babies grow up with higher self-esteem, less anxiety, become independent sooner, are better behaved in school (P. Heron 1994) and are more comfortable with affection (M. Crawford 1994). They also have been shown to have fewer psychiatric problems (J. F. Forbes et al 1992).

There has actually been research to show that co-sleeping is safer than crib sleeping, despite the media scare stories (Blair et al 1999). The Consumer Product Safety Commission published data that described infant fatalities in adult beds. This data, however, showed more than 3 times as many crib related infant fatalities compared to adult bed accidents (D. A. Drago and A. L. Dannenberg 1999). Another recent large study concluded that bed sharing did NOT increase the risk of SIDS, unless the mum was a smoker or abused alcohol (R. G. Carpenter et al., 2004).

Disadvantages

Tragic accidents, although rare, do occur and you can’t ignore the possibility that:

• you might roll over in your sleep and suffocate your baby
• your baby could get caught between the wall and the bed
• your baby could roll out of your bed and be injured

In the absence of conclusive evidence it’s up to you to decide what works best for your situation. The important thing for you to do is to make your informed decision and then stick by it. Spending hours fretting that you may have made the wrong decision and placed your baby at an elevated risk is only damaging to yourself and your family.

Whichever sleeping arrangement you choose, there are steps you can take to make it as safe as possible which I will discuss in my next post.

Research has proved that infants who sleep in their own room in the first six months are twice as likely to die from SIDS (formerly called cot death) than those who share their parents’ bedroom. (FSID’s Editorial Team, 2007). I strongly advise you therefore to have baby sleeping in your room for the first six months.

However, the choice of whether you want to share a bed with your baby or put him in a cot next to the bed is ultimately for you to decide on your own. The reason I stated that a cot in the parents’ room is generally the safest place to put baby to sleep is because there are certain medically-agreed, risk factors that can make co-sleeping much more dangerous than cot sleeping. Experts agree that you should never share a bed with your baby if:

• The baby is under three months old
• The baby was premature or less than 2.5kg
• You or your partner are smokers (even if you don’t smoke at home)
• You have been drinking alcohol or have taken medications that make you drowsy.
• You are very tired.

If the above rules are followed I have not found conclusive evidence to recommend cot-sleeping over sharing a bed or vice-versa. The fact that the research is contradictory tells us that there is no hard and fast, right or wrong answer and the unfortunate truth is that tragic accidents can happen in any scenario. Fortunately, these accidents are very rare.

To help you make an informed decision, I will discuss the pros and cons of co-sleeping in my next post.

If baby is used to a 1.00 am feeding, his stomach will hunger for food at that time every night. One of the best techniques for helping your baby to sleep through the night is to reset his ‘stomach clock.’ The aim is to reduce baby’s night time food intake without letting him go hungry. Regardless of the age of the baby, he will generally take in the same amount of calories per 24 hours. If you gradually reduce the night time feeding, baby will just eat more during the day to make it up. This is called calorie shifting.

If you have decided it’s the right time to start reducing the night-time feeds here’s what to do if you’re bottle feeding: Start by reducing the volume of milk or formula in the bottle by one or two ounces (30-60 mls) each feeding. You could start with just the bedtime feed and move onto the other night-time feeds or you could attempt them all at once. Keep reducing the volume of milk/formula by one ounce (30 mls) per night over the course of the next week, until there are no more feeds.

An alternative way to accomplish this is to dilute the bottle with water. Quite soon, baby will be taking enough calories during the day and decide that waking up for this new type of bottle is really not worth it! Here’s what to do: Choose your least favourite night feeding time and make the formula for that feeding ¾ of the strength. If baby is satisfied with this bottle, gradually decrease the strength by 1/8th each night until you are giving him only water. Repeat the process for all the night-time feedings and by the end of the process, your baby won’t be hungry at all during the night and he will be taking in more calories during the day to compensate (Lavin, Glaser 2007).

If your breast-feeding here’s the process you can take to gradually reduce the time spent feeding over 5-7 nights:

• Make a note of the length of time of baby’s usual night-time feed.
• Reduce the time spent feeding by two to five minutes every other night. So for example, if baby usually feeds for 17 minutes, cut the feed to fifteen minutes for two nights, then thirteen minutes for the next two nights, then eleven for the next two, and so on.
• Re-settle your baby after each reduced feed with the calming techniques of your choice.  Consider playing baby’s lullaby CD as a quick and easy comforter.
• Once baby is feeding for five minutes or less, stop the feed altogether.  Once feedings have stopped, try sending in someone besides Mum to tend to baby. The scent of breast milk can re-activate the baby’s desire to be fed.

After reaching the four month mark, most babies are physically prepared to sleep through the entire night. They don’t really need middle of the night feeding anymore and most have acquired the ability to comfort themselves back to sleep if they do wake up. Therefore, if baby is still waking up frequently throughout the night it’s probably because you are still jumping out of bed at her first cry, to give her a feed and a cuddle. She’s learned that every time she cries, her favourite person and her favourite meal are by her side in seconds. Many babies are obviously not going to give this arrangement up too easily!

At this stage, you have a decision to make which will be based on your situation, your lifestyle, work schedule and sanity. Either option is perfectly fine but it’s essential that you stick to your decision. Otherwise you may confuse baby and lead her to test you frequently to try and figure out what game you’re playing. To help you decide, here are the pros and cons of each:

If you decide you are eager to end the sleepless nights you can begin to safely employ the techniques I will now discuss.

Be warned however, babies who were born early, are ill or are only able to eat a small amount at a single feeding, may still have legitimate night-time feeding needs. In these cases you may want to leave an extra few weeks or months before trying the following technique. If you are in any doubt, first check with your health care professional.

• Separation Anxiety. This deserves a post of its own.

• Temperature. Is he too hot or cold? Be careful not to overdress him and see the table at the end of this post for the right temperatures.

• Dressed for sleep. In the early months, many babies like to “sleep tight,” securely swaddled in a cotton baby blanket. Older infants like to sleep “loose,” and may sleep longer stretches with loose coverings that allow them more freedom of movement.

• Distractions. Is his room too noisy or too light? Block out disturbing backing noise with a soothing lullaby CD. Purchase darkening blinds to shut out the light which may be awakening him. This may also lead to an extra hour of sleep in the morning.

• Blocked nose. In the early months, babies need clear nasal passages to breathe. Later they can alternatively breathe through their mouth if their nose is blocked. Reduce the amount of problem-causing articles from baby’s room as these can cause stuffiness (cigarette smoke, baby powder, paint fumes, hair spray, animal dander, plants, clothing, stuffed animals, feather pillows and fuzzy toys that collect dust.) If your baby is particularly allergy-prone, a HEPA-type air filter will help. Consider buying a salt-water nasal dropper and give baby a few drops if he has a stuffy nose. Consult your doctor or pharmacist first. (Lavin, Glaser 2007).

Correct Room Temperatures