So how do you achieve this elusive ‘Sleeping through the Night’ status?  Well obviously every baby is different and so the first thing you should do is make a conscious effort not to draw comparisons with your friends’ babies. . especially the friends who just can’t wait to tell you their baby is the perfect sleeper (as if it’s a sign of good parenting!)  Once your baby has learnt to sleep through the night, in turn, keep the bragging to a minimum for the sanity of those friends whose babies havent quite got there yet!  

So how can you help attain the 6 hours + sleep a night?

Here are a few of the best and most popular tips.   Try them and see what works for you and what doesn’t.  If in doubt, use your own judgement as the parent and pay attention to how you feel about each of the tips.  If you’re doing something that deep down you feel is wrong, then don’t do it.  The classic argument against this would be Controlled Crying where every parent feels ‘wrong’ leaving their baby to cry and yet in some cases, it can be a hugely beneficial technique to teach the baby to comfort himself to sleep.  What I’d say in response to this argument is that in these cases, even though the parents ‘voice in the head’ will undoubtedly be telling them that what they’re doing is not right, CC is often a very last resort when all other methods have failed and I bet that on some level, the majority of parents realise that what they are doing is ultimately for the benefit of their child.  If they didn’t realise this then I don’t believe they’d try CC at all.  So I stand by my advice to pay attention to your feelings primarily.  The mind is a great tool for researching the various techniques so you can make informed decisions but it cannot tell you the whole picture (even though it thinks it can!) 

Remember people have been raising babies for thousands of years without books, sleep experts or paediatricians and although science and research is hugely important in educating ourselves about the advantages and disadvantages of the various parenting styles, you should rest assured that you have an ingrained, natural ability to know what’s best for your child.

Tip 1.  Routine.  By far the most important tip I can give you is to establish a good bedtime routine that you can stick to every night.  Babies love routine and predictability and this is easily the most important factor in establishing good sleeping habits.  You can read more about this here:   Setting a Routine

Tip 2.  The Dream Feed.  This technique is useful for young babies who still wake several times a night out of hunger.  The idea is to go into the baby’s room just before you go to sleep yourselves and perform a dream feed that will ‘tank him up’ which should buy you an extra couple of hours of sleep.  The trick is obviously to get him to feed without waking up!  Most parents report that it usually takes their baby a couple of nights to learn to feed whilst still asleep but most of them do learn eventually.  Try to make as little noise as possible and use the landing light to provide enough visibility to see what you’re doing without having to turn the lights on in his room.  Add a drop of milk to his lips and he’ll taste it and probably open his mouth.  At this point you can try beginning bottle or breast feeding.  Obviously pick him up very gently and put him back down as soon as you’re finished.  It might need a bit of ‘trial and error’ in the beginning to see how you can make this work without him waking.

Tip 3.  Naptimes. Make sure your baby is getting enough rest during the day with regular and consistent nap times.  If he sleeps well during the day, you are unlikely to have many problems at night time.  You can read more about nap times here:  Nap Times

Tip 4. Give them chance to learn on their own.  From about six to eight weeks, give your baby the chance to fall asleep on his own.  Put him down when he’s tired and sleepy but still awake.  Many experts advise against rocking or feeding baby to sleep, even at this young age, because they will learn habits that are hard to break later on.

Tip 5.  Security Objects.  A baby blanket or stuffed animal can be given to baby to help comfort them back to sleep when they awaken in the night.  A great tip is to rub the object on you so it has your scent which is very comforting to babies.  Obviously, ensure that the object is suitable for newborns and, if possible, buy one made of organic cotton as it’s the best material.  We have a selection of Keptin Jr organic cotton comforter toys for newborns which you can view here:  Soft Toys

Tip 6.  Controlled Crying.  This is the most controversial of all the techniques yet it can be very effective.  I’d advise you don’t attempt this under the age of six months and use it as a last resort.  We have a wealth of information on this topic including night by night accounts from parents who have tried it themselves.  Do a blog search for ‘Ferber Technique’ using our search box at the top right.

Tip 7.  Share the burden.  If it’s practical, get baby used to both care-givers by sharing the responsibility of putting him down and comforting him if he wakes. This tip is for the time when he no longer NEEDS feeding during the night.  In fact Dad can often enjoy better success of night time comforting in breast-feeding families as the baby will detect the scent of breast milk when mum comes to comfort him which will alert his stomach that it’s feeding time and therefore wake up time!  Again, this tip is not for use until the baby has reached the stage where he no longer needs his night time feeds but wakes to feed because of habit.

Tip 8.  Don’t Pick Up Bad Habits.  Once your baby no longer needs to feed during the night to get the nutrition he needs, resist the urge to pick him up when you go into comfort him.  Doing so will only awaken him further.  Instead rub his tummy and speak comforting words to him softly, then leave the room confidently.

Tip 9. Basics.  Ensure the baby is comfortable- does his nappy need changing? Are his clothes too tight? Is the room temperature correct?  Also things like black out blinds can be really useful in making the conditions in his room favorable for sleeping.

Tip 10.  Don’t rush in.  Once baby is past the stage of needing on-call nutrition during the night, don’t rush to his every beck and call.  This is very hard to do initially and I am not suggesting you leave him to cry out for long periods.  But why not try waiting a few moments before you go in?  If you’re comfortable with this try extending the time you take gradually over a couple of weeks.  You might find that your baby starts to learn how to comfort himself back to sleep.  This is a filtered down version of the Controlled Crying technique but much less severe and has a good success rate.

Good luck!

Via the TV, radio and most noticeably the internet, parents and professionals alike have been queuing up to put in their two cents’ worth on this very old debate.  Generally, there are three types of opinion you’re likely to find voiced on the internet:  1) Leaving your baby to cry is unforgivable and unnatural and you are an awful parent if you don’t endure months of sleepless nights 2) You should leave your baby in the shed at the end of the garden and leave them to it- that’s what my mother did for me and it never did me any harm 3)  Parents know best so you shouldn’t even bother reading books or listening to the so called experts as they know nothing.  Okay so I may be guilty of using a little hyperbole here but if you read through a couple of forums you’ll see that I’m not far off!

It’s the parents and ultimately the baby that I feel sorry for.  When parents read such sensationalist headlines it strikes them with fear and worry.  In my view, this is exactly the reason that the professionals make them so people will buy the publication and read about their latest book and think, “I must buy this to find out if I’m harming my baby.”  Some may call mine a cynical view and everyone is entitled to their own opinion.  On a separate note Leach’s new book The Essential First Year  has just been launched and is available in all good bookshops.

Leach’s comments were an obvious attack on rival author Gina Ford who brought us the Contented Little Baby series.  Ford advocates strict routines and controlled crying in some circumstances.  Leach claims, “That kind of early-induced anxiety may relate to anxiety right through adult life.”

I’m not here to dispute Leach’s claims but I am curious about why she doesn’t make it clear where this research comes from.  As the psychotherapist Oliver James has noted, there has only ever been one published study on the effects of contrasting parenting styles that compared parents who often leave their baby to cry it our and those who never do.  Interestingly,  the results of this study were inconclusive.   As I understand it, the research Leach is quoting is nothing new and it shows that babies with unresponsive carers have been found to have high levels of the stress hormone Cortisol.  Leach adds that, “Babies left in orphanages have been shown to have brains that are not fully developed… Leaving your baby unanswered occasionally won’t do lasting damage, but a policy of not responding, day in day out over a long period, might.”

Even though I am fully open to the possibility of this research being entirely accurate, I don’t think it holds much relevance in the day to day lives of parents.  Unless the parents are clinically depressed, drug addicts, mentally unfit or intentionally cruel, orphanage-style neglect is not going to present itself.  10 minutes of their baby crying is a lifetime for most parents and I don’t think these sensational headlines are helping anyone. 

As I say, it’s the parents and ultimately the baby that I feel sorry for because one headline like this can change the way the parents act.  If they start second guessing themselves, questioning and feeling guilty about every decision they make it will have an awful impact on their peace of mind and general well being and will lead to inconsistency in their parenting.  These three things, in my view, are the most important aspects to healthy parenting style and without them the baby will be affected.   Healthy, happy parents with a consistent routine is what’s most important.

If you have decided that you want your baby to ditch the dummy then the most effective technique is for him or her to go ‘cold turkey.’  This idea terrifies most parents because they envisage endless sleepless nights and an unwinnable battle of wills.  However, most parents report that it is not nearly as bad as they had anticipated and the joy of not having to get up 15 times a night is well-worth the initial challenge.

Rather than trying to get rid of the dummy sneakily and hoping the child doesn’t notice, it is far better to explain to the child what is going to occur and to get them involved so they feel like it is their decision to get rid of it because they are a big boy or girl now and so no longer need it.  It is remarkable how much even very young babies understand so it is always worth doing.  Asking Father Christmas or the Dummy Fairy to take the dummy away so that a younger baby can have it works for some parents and it is not uncommon for them to leave a token of their gratitude behind!     

Be prepared that the first few days might be quite tough and come up with a list of ways to distract your baby – games, cuddles, stories etc. so that you are providing the extra comfort that the dummy offered.  Make sure you get rid of the dummy and any spares and are not simply hiding it so that you are not tempted to give it back.    

Good luck!

1. Baby Santa Suit. Okay, so he won’t be drinking sherry and chomping down full mince pies but this Santa will still be bringing joy and happiness to all around him. £12

 2.  Rudolph Outfit.  An adorable reindeer suit with matching bib that can be enjoyed over the entire festive period.  £10

 3.  Winter Robin Outfit.  Keep little one snug and warm over the winter with this gorgeous little two-piece set.  £8.99

Don`t make any loud noises or cause excitement at bedtime or nap times.

Don`t feed them during the night or they will come to depend on feeding to fall asleep. Obviously when the baby is newborn night time feeds are necessary.

Don`t let the baby stay awake too late or they will become over-tired, which can lead to sleep problems.

Do give the baby a comfort blanket or toy that smells of the mother. If the baby wakes in the night and misses the mother this will reassure them that they are not alone.

Do share the sleeping duties with your partner, so that the baby gets used to both styles and can sleep comfortably when one partner is away.

Do cuddle the baby and lie still with them until they sleep, if the baby is still sleeping in the mother`s bed. This will encourage them to sleep.

Creating a definite routine and early bedtimes is essential to providing the baby with a secure structure to help them sleep throughout the night. Some babies find it a great deal harder than others, but providing they feel safe and secure and do not feel alone they should eventually learn to sleep comfortably. However, if you suspect that there is a more serious underlying problem relating to your baby`s sleep patterns it is recommended that the advice of a GP is gained for any baby question and answer points.

But there are some things you can do to help ensure a safe night’s sleep for your newborn. The Numours Foundation offers the following tips:

• You should never let a newborn baby sleep with plush bedding, blankets or pillows.
• You should put baby to sleep on her back to reduce the risk of cot death (sudden infant death syndrome).
• You should remove stuffed toys from the crib at bedtime.
• Every night you should alternate the side of baby’s head that she sleeps on.  This prevents development of a ‘flat spot’ on a favoured side of the head.

Want to Learn more?

Check out our category on SIDS (on the left hand side of the page) because this contains a wealth of safety information for new parents.

Rich’s advice of calorie shifting was great. That coupled with my mom’s advice of 6-10-2-6-10 nursing cinched the deal. Basically, not just did work with the little one to shift their feeding times to days, I also nursed him at 4 hour intervals starting at 6am with the last feeding being at 10pm.

This has worked wonders! In between nursings, Aidan gets his fill of solids so I know he’s got a belly full.

Ah, a full night’s sleep. No replacement for that!

The research from Bristol and Warwick University claims the safest place for baby to sleep for the first six months is in a cot next to the parent’s bed. We completely agree with this statement and it is something we have been recommending to parents since the start of this blog over a year ago.

However, when the tabloids published this story they did not go into enough detail. On closer inspection of the study it is apparent that the extremely high correlation between cot death and co sleeping was observed in a high-risk group. This high-risk group consisted of young, socially-deprived mothers who smoked and many of whom had taken alcohol or drugs at the time of the tragic cot death. In the group studied, there were also many cases where the mother had fallen asleep on the sofa with her baby.

What this study shows therefore is that these risk factors (alcohol, drugs, smoking and falling asleep on the sofa) are lethal when combined with co sleeping. It does not necessarily show that informed cosleeping is much more dangerous than the cot, although there have been studies in the past that have claimed this to be the case.

The study also included a control group which comprised of randomly selected SIDS cases (not just high-risk ones). In this group, 20% of the deaths were associated with a cosleeping arrangement and this control group also had a far lower percentage of alcohol/drug-related risk factors involved. Furthermore, only 1% involved cosleeping on a sofa.

I want to make it clear that I am not advocating cosleeping, I am just trying to give people an objective description of the study and I still stand by my position that the safest place for baby to sleep in the first six months is in a cot next to the parent’s bed.

Although the rate of Cot Death is decreasing in the UK, according to the FSID there are still more than 300 cases a year. The increase in education about the known risk-factors is playing a large part in the declining figures and if you are in any doubt about what you can do to reduce the risk then please read our post on SIDS.

The author starts by examining the merits of breast milk but goes on to give some good suggestions for what to do when baby reaches the stage of wanting to eat everything that’s on your plate! She says the greenest way of feeding your baby at this stage is to prepare local organic fruits, veg and even meats in your own kitchen.  The author says not to go out and buy the foods separately, but instead put a few items aside that you’re preparing for your own dinner and mash them up with a fork or mix in a blender to create your own organic baby food! Apart from being the healthiest, least wasteful method of feeding baby, this should also be the cheapest.

She recommends making a few extra portions and freezing them so that you can thaw them out whenever you need food on demand.  Those who benefit from having jarred baby food available could buy organic and wash and reuse the jar whenever they’re out and about with baby.

The article continues along the same theme, discussing decorating the baby’s room, baby showers, equipment and nappies. You can read it here: http://www.greenandsave.com/green_news/green-expert-tips-opinions/raising-green-baby-properly-disposing-diapers-5134

Breast milk produced at night-time has been shown to contain calming compunds that may help babies sleep (just liike an adult’s cup of Horlics!).

This study could prove really important for mothers who express breast milk for bottle-feeding because they could easily be giving the ‘pick-me-up’ milk at night time and the calming milk during the day. This would obviously affect the baby’s sleeping patterns and mothers who express may want to ensure they are giving the right milk at the right time.

The Daily Mail has the full article here: For baby, a breast-milk cappuccino: Morning feed gives infants a natural pick-me-up

-To keep up to date with what we’re up to

-To share baby tips with other parents

-To get involved and be sociable! 

I work for an online retailer that specialises in breast pumps and the guys at Lullaby Babies have invited me to share my expertise on this blog. 

Breast pumps can prove to be an essential item for a breastfeeding mother to provide enough milk for the baby. Many women complain about the use of breast pumps but the fact is that as long as you buy a good quality breast pump that suits your needs and you know exactly how to use and clean it, then you will have no problems. Since a breast pump is a machine and is not designed to be as flexible as your baby, you will have to work with patience with your personal pump to express sufficient milk. Mothers usually need a breast pump when they are returning to work or when they have to be away from the baby. A breast pump also helps mothers to maintain and increase a healthy milk supply and it is best to pump milk often and usually during your normal nursing hours.

To use a manual or electric breast pump efficiently, firstly make sure everything is clean and hygienic, wash your hands thoroughly and go through the instruction manual of your pump to know every detail about it, so that you can set it up and use it correctly. Every breast pump requires you to achieve a let-down; with some breast pumps there are massagers in the flanges that massage your breasts and nipple. Otherwise, massage and gently rub your nipples until you relax completely. After you have achieved a let-down, the milk will flow freely. You can choose either between an electric breast pump or a manual breast pump. Manual pumps require a little more time and effort and are not meant to be used frequently. Spend around 15 to 20 minutes per breast or 5 minutes for each breast till they are drained. Use short squeezes to get a let-down with a manual pump and afterwards use long squeezes for an effective, less tiring job. Electric pumps, on the other hand, are best if you will be expressing milk frequently, for example, during work hours. Different types of breast pumps can be found and ordered online at trusted breastpumps.

After each use, you have to completely disassemble the pump parts and wash each of them separately in hot, soapy water and dry them after rinsing them properly. Try to clean your breast pump right after use so that bacteria are not allowed to grow in it. If you cannot do that immediately, then soak the pump in warm soapy water until you can get back to it. Also read your pumps’ instruction manual about the proper way to clean your particular pump. Some pieces of you pump may require mild cleansing while some may require regular sterilization. Remember that not all parts of the pump can be submerged in water, electrical parts like the motor, batteries etc. should never be cleaned with water but can be cleaned with a clean, dry cloth. Some pump parts are also dishwasher friendly but check that with your instruction manual before putting them in the dishwasher.

Clean all parts of the pump thoroughly that come in contact with your breast milk, no milk should be left behind as this curdle combines with fresh milk and can be harmful for the health of your baby. There are a few of ways to sterilize pump parts; with the electric sterilizer method you need special bags, a container designed to sterilize parts in the microwave or an electric counter top sterilizer. These use water to steam the parts of the pump and use it for nipples and baby bottles as well. To sterilize in a dishwasher, first determine which parts of the pump are dishwasher safe. Then rinse excess milk from the parts and place them in the top tray of the washer, set the washer on hot cycle to ensure enough heat for sterilization. You can also sterilize pump parts in a large pot after washing the parts with warm, soapy water. Boil these parts in water for 10 to 15 minutes to sterilize them.

Once you have cleaned your breast pump, don’t dry it with a cloth or towel because they can contain germs and bacteria which will contaminate the pump parts. Leave the parts to dry and when they are completely dried, they can be reassembled for use or stored for future use.

9:14am, Aidan’s still asleep.  Ah, finally.  He actually slept in (wow, this rarely happens)

We’ll be trying this again tonight to see if we can prolong the first night time feed to a decent hour

Not long before the move, Aidan learned to stand and hold on to things.  For a while, I was overjoyed, until the night, when he refused to sleep and promptly stood up in his bed, looked at us and bawled.  SIGH!  So much for the joy.

We’re past that now.  Our solution?  Ask him to sit down in his bed and if he resists, gently ungrip his hands from the sides, sit him down and thank him.  Then talk, sing and soothe him to lay down, and encourage and appreciate him as he complies.  These simple steps have helped even on the toughest nights to get him to lay down and go to sleep.

Not long after we moved, Aidan started getting panicky.  Every time we left the room, especially me, he would erupt in serious tears.  Some late night research showed that he’s at the ripe age of 9 months when babies go through separation anxiety.  OH GRIEF!  We’re working through that phase as well and things are much much better now.  Something that we’ve realized is that if we leave Aidan alone, it’s best to have some background music going to occupy him so that he doesn’t panic and he’s got something to pay attention to, especially since his toys just don’t make the grade (he doesn’t much care for toys).  Lots of reassurance helps as well.

Our latest sources of entertainment are watching Aidan point and identify people, him counting, learning his abc’s (he’s still on a), enjoying the swings and slides at the park and crawling full force.  Our latest challenge, learning how to get him to sleep through the night and make him independent of nursing to go sleep.

Wish me luck!

Well lately, I have a good blend.  For his afternoon nap, after we read a story, I hold Aidan for a bit, walk him around and on days that he’s especially wired, I hold him close and dance.  Anything from a gentle sway to the Foxtrot.  I watch as his eyes slowly drift to a close.  After a final kiss goodnight, he’s ready for his bed.

I am now the wiser and want to share this advice with you in case you’ve been in the same position as me.

Why was Aidan fussing at naptime and bedtime and why was putting him to sleep such a hit and miss.  The answer….lack of quiet time.

So easily put by some wise parent (that had no doubt been in my shoes at some point in time), babies, like adults need quiet time to wind down before bed.

We had a routine (dinner, bath, bottle, in bed with singing and patting), but some nights were easier than others.  The not so easy nights, Aidan took up to 1 hour to go to sleep fussing and fighting the whole time.

The last few days and nights have been SOOOO much easier.  At naptime, I shut the door to our room, sit with Aidan in a clear space (i.e. no distractions or toys), sing him a song (Raindrops on roses….from Sound of Music), within minutes I’m rewarded with a yawn and the telltale rubbing of the eyes.  Once the song is done, Aidan gets nursed and he’s out.  The whole process takes less than 10 minutes.  Yippee!!!!

At night, the bedtime routine starts at 7pm with dinner (some solid food), then bath, then a bottle in a dimly lit room accompanied with a song.  Aidan arrives at the land of nod by 8:30 pm.

I have to say, I’m now a much calmer person and he’s happier for this routine as well.

To quote Archimedes…”Eureka!”

For the first few days, it was anguish.  He fussed, fought and then after what seemed like an eternity, finally fell asleep.  Now I feel like we’ve gone from one bad habit to another.  Let me explain.  Before the Ferber method, we would rock, walk or do whatever it took to put Aidan to sleep, including holding him while he slept and then trying to put him down gently (if he’d let us).  Now instead of him being independent, he wants us to pat, sing and sit with him until he finally dains to go to sleep.  I feel like we’ve regressed completely.

I can’t bear to hear him cry and fuss (although I know it’s more of a manipulation thing), but at the same time, sitting with him for 30 + minutes is not ok.  We check on him and make sure he’s fed, safe, changed etc etc (using the checklist), but now I’m at a loss as to what it’s going to take to fix the problem.

This kid has enormous energy, even though I know he’s tired and exhibits the signs of fatigue.  He can fuss for more than an hour until he finally gets exhausted enough to fall asleep.

I’m looking for tactics to undo what I’ve done wrong and truly train him on falling asleep independently.  Nap-time is a whole ‘nother problem that I won’t even go into in this post!

Now we’ve embarked on a different kind of adventure.  When my son Aidan was 5 months old (i.e. April 1, 2009), my husband, son and I left our cozy existence in San Francisco, CA and moved to India.  For those of you wondering why we would take such a drastic step, we’re ga ga about traveling and moving from one country to another is the ultimate way for us to experience the world.  We have grand plans to move again in 3 years to a completely different place.

For Aidan, moving to India has been wonderful.  I’m originally from India (Bombay to be precise) and my parents still live here.  Being close to them allows us to have family support and help Aidan understand and experience the importance of family.

It’s been “interesting” to say the least on adapting to the changes here, especially with a little one.  The search for the right diaper and wipes have been frustrating, but now, almost 3 months later, I have to say that we’re thriving.

In addition to the usual milestones of getting teeth, creeping, talking up a storm and even starting solids in earnest, we’re working on getting him to sleep independently.

Like other parents here, we’re seeing mixed results, but I’ll leave the details till my next post.

Cheers!

Farrah

After the launch date, we plan to give this baby sleep blog a make-over and we are considering a parent’s club, chatroom and more. 

The concept behind the new boutique is to source the finest organic and eco-friendly products for babies and unite them all in one place.  Our product range will start off fairly small (because we research and test each product personally before approving it for inclusion into the boutique).  However, the range will grow as we do and we hope that our customers will feel as passionate about the products as we do!  

My name is Ruth and Richard has very kindly asked me to join the Lullaby Babies blog.  I am mother to a, mostly, charming four month old baby girl called Izzy.  We live in the French Alps with her dad and his parents though we hope to move into our own place in a few months.

We moved here  a month ago from Gran Canaria, but that’s a whole other story, so life has had lots of change recently.  I was worried that all the moving and new places and people would upset the baby and disrupt her sleeping at night, but we have been very lucky that she has adapted well.

There are a few things that she finds confusing, just a month ago I would pop a babygrow on her and she would be ready for the day, no fuss no bother.  Now the babygrow is just the start; there is a tee shirt, leggings, socks and jumper so I have to use all my best tricks to keep her entertained on the changing table in the morning as she gets layered up for the day.

Though I think it is all my extra layers at feeding time she finds most frustrating.  I can see her thinking; “I didn’t order a mouthful of wooly jumper with my milk!”

I hope you will enjoy sharing my view of motherhood, I’m not expert, just a beginner that is enjoying learning with her baby.

It is an exciting time for the business and we have been working day and night to cope with the increased demand following the national publicity.  As such we haven’t had chance to contribute anything new to this blog recently but after Christmas we will be ensuring this changes dramatically.  We intend to join forces with several baby-experts to continue to provide a wealth of free and impartial information for new parents.  We’ll also be trying to get lots of parents involved in contributing to the blog by sharing their unique experiences with others.  

I hope you all have a great Christmas and a wonderful new year.

Richard Jenkinson

Some key principles of attachment parenting include extended breast-feeding, baby-wearing (where the parent carries baby around all day in a sling) and a gentle, loving approach to night-time parenting including co-sleeping.  Attachment parents believe that contrasting styles of parenting promote the child’s independence too early on in the child’s life and this damages the parent-child attachment.   

It should be noted that the night-time parenting philosophy in this method strongly conflicts with the Ferber technique and other theories that we have previously discussed on this site.  

When writing this blog, I deliberately choose to examine conflicting parenting styles because it is my intention to remain impartial and put forward the differing schools of thought.  I intend to point out the advantages and disadvantages of each technique without bias. 

The reason I do this is because I believe strongly that every family and situation is different and that it’s up to the parents to decide what is best for their child.  To Sears’ credit he does not preach Attachment Parenting as an absolute.  Instead he describes it as a tool to be used to ‘complete the job.’  He advises parents to pick and choose the components that suit their personal circumstances which is a mindset I wish every author in his field would share!  

If there are any attachment parents who stumble across this blog, please feel free to share your experiences and opinions with our readers because there will be many new parents currently in the process of deciding which style of parenting is right for them.  Your contribution may prove to be invaluable in the decision-making process.  

I have spoken to many parents, with first hand experience, who warn others not to adopt a co-sleeping arrangement as baby will never take to the cot. They go on to explain that babies presented with the transition will scream blue murder until you eventually give in to the relentless bombardment and accept them into your bed with the promise to yourself that you’ll be tougher on them the next night!

I’m not going to get into the whole co-sleeping or cot debate for newborns as we have covered this extensively in previous posts. This post is about helping those who are already in the predicament above.

So what do you do when you are co-sleeping and your baby reaches the age where you feel she should be in a cot in her own room? The answer, I believe, is to take things very gradually. The problem is that your baby has got so used to sleeping next to you that if she suddenly finds herself plonked in unfamiliar surroundings, with no sign of you, she is unlikely to be in the frame of mind to sleep! She’ll be worried that she can’t see, touch, smell or hear you next to her anymore. This will undoubtedly result in some serious screaming and crying out. In my opinion, this is an alarming and stressful experience to put your baby through and it certainly should not be attempted using the Ferber technique.

Instead of going from one extreme to the other, you should consider getting hold of a cot that attaches to your bed and letting your baby get used to that sleeping arrangement first. This is a much easier transition to make because you are still close to her and her surroundings haven’t changed a great deal. I wouldn’t advise being tough at this stage. If she complains, comfort her in the same way she is used to until she learns that things haven’t really changed enough to complain about.

Once she gets used to that arrangement you could try moving the cot away from your bed a little bit and seeing how she takes to that. If she is fine with that, keep moving the cot further and further away until you decide the time is right for her to have her own room. Hopefully, the gradual change should make it much less stressful for her.

When she wakes up and finds herself in a new room she will still undoubtedly cry out for you. I would still be inclined, at this stage, to comfort her in much the same way as she has been used to. Once a few nights have gone by, if she is still waking and crying frequently, you could consider starting the Ferber Technique (as long as she is more than six months old).

There are no hard and fast rules for the above and the most important thing is for you to use your instincts to judge how the transition is going and when it’s right to move onto the next stage.

The major problem that parents face when attempting the transition is that they only decide to start once their baby’s sleep has become disrupted. This usually means that just as baby is experiencing teething and other developmental milestones, her parents decide that this is the best time for her to move out! Obviously, this is not going to work and will just make the problem much worse. My advice is to start the transition while your baby is sleeping well. The decision to deliberately sabotage your sleep is a tough one to make but trust me, in the long run, it will be well worth it.

For those parents who have left it too late and are sharing a bed with a baby who is already experiencing the developmental milestones, my advice is to try and wait it out. It will be a very difficult time for all of you but there is no miracle cure for this one unfortunately.

To close, I want to offer one final tip that has been passed on to me by many parents who have described their baby reacting to the cot, during the transition, as if it were ‘electrified’ even if they were fast asleep! They reported after much trial and error that it was often the temperature of the cot that caused the adverse reaction. Babies are very sensitive to temperature and if they have been used to being wrapped up warmly in your bed and suddenly find themselves on a cold, stale matress, they might have something to say about it! You might want to try warming the matress by rubbing it with your hands or using a hot water bottle for a couple of minutes.

Good luck and let me know your own experiences with this!

In terms of nap-times, you should use a similar procedure as you do during the night .  As Zoe rightly pointed out, if you didn’t have consistency between the daytime and nightime sleeps you would confuse your baby by sending him ‘mixed messages.’ 

However, many parents have reported problems using the controlled crying method at naptimes so I now recommend a less-harsh adaptation for nap times.  It has been suggested that CC is less effective for naps because babies use a different part of the brain for naps when compared with night time sleep. Make sure you have black-out blinds for his room as these really help. Also, the world has a lot more things going on during the day and much more noise so you may want to consider leaving a lullaby cd on at a low volume to block out these audible distractions.

Naps can be difficult to sort out and may take a couple of weeks to get right. The first nap of the day is the place where you want to begin because this is the easiest one to tackle. Your aim is obviously going to be to get him down in his cot for that nap. Allocate a time-frame of one hour for the nap and use the technique below until the hour is up. If baby fails to sleep within that time, get him up and get him to sleep another way (car,pram etc.) and then try again the following day. Repeat the process until he’s settling for that nap, then move on to another nap.

Here is the technique to try for parents who have used CC at night time but are struggling with nap time. The two techniques are consistent so using one in the day and one at night won’t confuse your baby and cause problems at night.
The nap time technique (this is not easy btw but it does work):

1. Have a short pre-bed routine and place baby in the cot awake. If he cries, try and comfort with words and gentle head stroking. If he doesn’t stop crying, pick him up and say, “shush, shush” and softly pat his back. As soon as he stops crying, put him down straight away (you are not rocking him to sleep you are still attempting to get him to fall asleep in the cot). If he is crying and arching his back, put him down immediately.

2. Even if he cries the second you begin to lower him into the cot, make sure you still put him down all the way to the mattress before you pick him up again. Repeat this procedure correctly so that you are picking him up when he cries and putting him down immediately when he stops. After a time he should begin to calm down and cry less. If you do get him to the stage where is in the cot and is quiet, stay with him with a hand laid on his body and carry on the reassuring talk in a very soft voice. Only leave the room when you are sure he’s in a deep sleep.

3. After 20 minutes of this, put him in the cot and leave the room for 10 minutes. If he is still crying, repeat the ‘picking up and lowering down’ method for another 20 minutes and leave for 10.

As for cosleeping, Controlled Crying (also known as the Ferber Method) relies on your baby sleeping in a cot in his own room.  Obviously, this is an either/or situation.  If you are happy with your co-sleeping arrangement then the Ferber method is not for you.  In Zoe’s comment she asked whether she could incorporate the Ferber method into her current co-sleeping arrangement by leaving the room each time her baby wakes up crying.  I personally don’t think this would work and I strongly recommend it shouldn’t even be attempted.  The crucial point of CC is to teach babies to soothe themselves to sleep.  This means them waking up alone and being able to comfort themselves back to sleep without screaming out for mum or dad.  If you attempted controlled crying whilst co-sleeping your baby would not be waking up alone and the first thing he would see was his mum leaving the room.  Furthermore, when it came to making the transition to his own room it would probably mean starting again from square one. 

When you decide it is the right time to make the transition to the crib then I would advise you leave the Ferber Method well alone until your baby gets used the change.  Moving surroundings will be a stressful enough time without adding to the trouble.  I will write a separate post soon to discuss how you can make the transition as easy as possible for both of you.  Just off the top of my head, I like the idea of having a crib in the same room at first and getting baby used to sleeping in there.  You could then gradually move this further away from your bed before you make the jump to a different room.  I also think it would be wise to start using the crib for nap times and moving this into baby’s own room.  This will make the night-time change a little more familiar and easier to deal with.  Personally,  I think it needs to be a very gradual change to minimise the distress.  Once your baby has got used to this arrangement, if needed, you could start implementing the Ferber technique.   

If your baby is at least six months old and is still waking up to feed through the night, you should consider reducing the night-time feeds.  This is especially crucial if you are a cosleeper who wants to move your baby to his own crib because if  he is really hungry at night he would wake up and scream his head off if he suddenly found himself alone in a room with no mum or food at his disposal! The technique is called calorie shifting and works by increasing the day feeds to compensate for the night. Full details are in this post: Reducing Night-Time Feeds

Here is the other relevant post:

From Bed Sharing (Co sleeping) to Cot- Making the Transition

The night was very successful.  We only heard her once whimper, but that was it.  I don’t think she woke up but just stirred.  The whole night was undisturbed.  I’m wondering if from our old routine of putting her into bed asleep was our problem as her last memory would have been in our arms and she would be expecting us. 

J didn’t wake up till 7am today which means nearly 12 hours sleep for her.  Her mood is much better today and she’s not as clingy as she has been.  She is quite happily entertaining herself playing with her own toys.  Any Mummy managed to get a good night sleep.  This could all change, so yet again i’m not pining my hopes on the fact that after 2 nights she has cracked it.

I was going to take an early night but unfortunately that didn’t happen and I was dreading the night.  I shouldn’t have worried so much because this morning we woke up at 6.30am and I don’t know how it happened but J had slept through the night!!  I can count on 1 hand the amounts of times she’s slept through.  I have a feeling that the crying she did before she went to sleep tired her out.

I do however feel better for having a whole nights sleep, kind of a new woman lol.  Hoping that this isnt a one off and if by a miracle she’s learnt from her one time experience of controlled crying that we are not going to entertain the idea of going in immediately and comforting her.  But I do have a feeling that will not be the case so early on.

Obviously I will be reporting back after tonight.  The one thing that i haven’t mentioned before is what sleep she has during the day.  So will write here my schedule of what we do:

Get up

Breakfast

2 hours later milk and then an hour to an hour and a half sleep.

1pm Lunch (no milk – but juice)

2pm Sleep (even if she doesn’t want to go to sleep I still put her down for her sleep)

4pm snack

6pm Dinner

7pm bath

7.30pm milk and then bed

I think it is important that J gets her naps during the day and nothing after 3pm.  I was once told before that sleeping after 3pm affects your sleep pattern at night.  I can from 1st hand experience tell you that this is correct, I suffer myself from sleep paralysis and if I have slept after 3pm notice that it is heightened.

(Click here to read how the 3rd night went) 

For 2 minutes I repeatidly said ‘Shhh Shhh’ and rubbed her belly as that is her usual cue when going to bed to go to sleep.  She went quiet but still eyes wide open.  After what i thought was 2 mins (not easy to count when your tired) I left her.  As soon as I took my hand off her she started crying again. 

At this point I was strong, and let her cry for 8 mins on her own, and went and repeated the previous steps.  This lasted an hour, and at one point I thought she’d cracked it as she went quiet…but this was not to be for long.  However I did make the crying last for 8-10mins before going in and reassuring her that things were ok. 

On the last spurt of crying, J started coughing after each major cry and I’m ashamed to say at this point I gave in.  I feel terrible that the 1 hour that i’d invested was all wasted and immediately regreted the decision.  But there is a point in all this that motherly instincts kick in and to me she was making herself worse rather than being able to settle herself.  Also I dont have the back up at the moment as my other half is away, i’m not making excuses as a first time mum this is the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do, and i think i need the re-assurance from my fella to carry on.  I do have to say once I had settled J in the usual fashion (taking her to our bed) she slept for longer this morning till 7pm rather than 5.30am.  YAY a lie in.

Tonight I am going to try again.  D is back from being away for work so I have the back up.  I sat there with J last night and I cried with her and felt such a bad mum, and feel selfish that I want a good night sleep.  You may ask well its all my own fault for pampering her when she was a newborn, and yes your right.  You actually start believing that at some point your child will sleep through the night as everyone elses baby seems to do.  And I get angry when I get texts from friends who have just had one bad night and feel exhausted.  10 months of sleepless nights have finally got to me and I am determined to do something about it.  Roll on tonight and I will try again.

(Click here to read how the 2nd night went)

I’m lucky in some respects, bedtime routine is up and running and I don’t have a problem putting little one to bed.  It’s just as I’ve got myself settled and asleep for an hour she wakes up.  I’m actually in two minds, I’m dreading this but then looking forward to the sleep.  I know i’m going to be even more exhausted than usual but it is the bank holiday coming up and i’m hoping my other half will help.

Right its 20.10 little one is fast asleep in bed.  She had loads for dinner tonight, we shall see how the nite develops and then i’m report back in my blog.  Fingers crossed.

(Click here to read how the first night went)

I want to say a big thank you to Inchpunch Design of North Yorkshire and Science City York.  Without these two organisations, it would not have been possible to have produced such a unique and elegant design. 

The difficulty in developing the packaging concept was that we were in new territory due to there not being another product like it on the market.  Therefore, we did not have the luxury of using a similar design as a reference point.  If I were to create a new perfume for example, I could design the packaging by examining the range of other perfumes on the market that I believed had it just right.  I could then fuse the best components together from each design to create a starting point for my own perfume.  Manufacturing would also be straight-forward because of the abundance of high-quality firms that specialise in producing that specific type of packaging.  Unfortunately for us, it was not that simple! 

Because we were creating a unique, brand-new product, it had to be done the hard way!  I knew I wanted a design that was stylish, wholesome and that was in synergy with the product itself.  I wanted it to ooze quality and have that certain something that made it fresh, pure and baby-like.  Once we developed the perfect-looking design, we then needed to make countless refinements to incorporate the practical considerations.  For example, because our gifts are delivered via the mail, I wanted the product to be small enough to fit through every letter box to save my customers an annoying trip to their local depot if they weren’t in when it arrived.

Once all the refinements were made we then had to find a company that could manufacture the unique product to our specifications.  In the end, it actually took three separate companies to produce the component parts which meant we had to assemble them, by hand, at our head-quarters!   

As I say, it was well-worth it in the end and I am very proud of the new range of products we have on sale.   

The first step is to really get going with your baby’s consistent pre-bed routine.  Remember, babies love predictability and the first step towards an uninterrupted night’s sleep is to follow the same night-time ritual before putting baby down to sleep.  Components of this routine may include a feed, a story, a bath, a lullaby etc.  Baby will be calmer if he is accustomed to the process that immediately precedes being placed in a cot ready to sleep.  Having Grandad energetically jiggling him about before bed might raise a few smiles at the time but it is likely to lead to a poor night’s sleep (for both of them!)  

Step two is as simple as it is vital:  Put your baby to sleep in his cot while he is still awake.  Kiss him goodnight and leave the room. 

Step three:  When baby starts to cry do not rush in immediately.  On your first night with the technique wait around 5-10 minutes before going in.  This will feel like an eternity on your first night ( a good tip is to time yourself with a watch, otherwise you will rush in after 30 seconds having convinced yourself it’s time!).  When you do go in do not pick baby up or rock or feed him.  If you do this you will only reinforce baby’s mindset that crying results in food and attention- two of the biggest rewards going.  Instead, comfort him gently by talking softly and if necessary, laying a comforting hand on him.  Leave the room after two minutes even if he continues to cry.  Someone other than mum might have better luck at this because the scent of breast milk may trigger the hunger response. 

The final step is to gradually increase the length of time that you take to attend to baby’s cries and continue this increase in nightly increments.  The time you take to respond should be based on how comfortable you feel and how many days you have been using the technique.  After around 1-2 weeks Ferber claims that most babies will have learned that crying in the night gets nothing but a quick check-up and will decide it’s not worth their effort!  To be honest I know many parents who swear by this technique and are now happily enjoying an uninterrupted night’s sleep once more.  So in summary, it has a high success rate but you’ve got to be prepared for a week of hell before you start.  Please don’t underestimate how hard it will be to keep from rushing in to respond to your baby’s cries.  Also you should be aware that many experts still claim it comes with a risk of emotional and psychological damage even if the baby is healthy and over six months old.   

Click here to read a night by night account of Lainy’s experience with the Ferber Method

There are few baby-related issues that evoke as much controversy as this one.  Some big names in the field frequently have fiery exchanges because of their conflicting points of view.  Many will remember Gina Ford and Dr Miriam Stoppard for example, who had a fierce debate on The Today Programme over the issue.  

For those of you who have read my post on Cry it Out you will be aware of my personal opinion on the matter.  It’s my contention that in the first six months newborn babies have legitimate night-time needs and it is the parent’s duty to satisfy these needs.  Obviously, this means some sleepless nights in the beginning.  Parenting is one of the most challenging (and rewarding) things we will ever do and I just think trying to take a shortcut is a typical reflection of our modern lives, with our impatience and obsession for convenience often dicating our actions.  Yes, the technique will definitely help you and your baby sleep longer hours through the night but at what cost?   The point is that nobody knows for sure and I for one wouldn’t be prepared to take the risk of causing the emotional and psychological damage that many experts claim is a genuine possibility. 

However, it is down to you, the parents, to decide whether it is worth the risk or not.  I would never be so naive and arrogant as to try and tell you what to do.  The purpose of this blog is merely to advise on both sides of the argument to allow you to make an informed decision about what is right for your situation.   For example, healthy babies need healthy parents and you might be getting such a poor quality of sleep that you decide controlled crying is the lesser of two evils. 

It is important that I make it very clear that my objection to the Ferber method applies to the baby’s first six months only.  After this period, if baby is putting on weight well and is in good health then I think there is a place for controlled crying (or one of its derivatives) to solve sleep-related problems. For further information you might be interested in reading Dr Richard Ferber’s book, ‘Solve your Child’s Sleep Problems.’ 

Tomorrow I will conclude this post by detailing the best way to perform the controlled crying technique.  The Ferber Method Part Two.

If, like many parents, you decide that baby should sleep in a moses-basket or carry cot to begin with, you can buy specially sized sheets and blankets for this purpose. This makes it easier to ensure that there isn’t an excess of fabric that baby could potentially wriggle down under and have their breathing restricted by. I highly recommend buying the right-sized bedding for the sleeping solution you choose. Although, there are a variety of fabrics available, I would suggest you consider the stretch-cotton sheets as these are less likely to become loose in the night and taking them off and putting them back on is a doddle.

Sleeping bags are a great solution to baby’s night-time needs but although they are availble for newborns, most parents prefer to start using them after the baby is about one -three months old.

For me, the main advantage of sleeping-bags for babies is that they can’t be wriggled off in the night and therefore, baby is less likely to protest during the night that he or she is too cold.

You will only need a few bottom sheets for the cot if you’re using a sleeping bag but if it’s an especially cold night you may want to put an extra sheet or blanket on top of the bag. You should never use a duvet or quilt with a sleeping bag as baby would be far to hot.

It is also essential that you find the right sized sleeping bag because if it’s too large baby may slide down inside the bag which would greatly restrict air flow and could become very dangerous.

Duvets and pillows should not be used until baby is at least one year old.  This is because they can restrict movement, provide excessive warmth and pose a suffocation risk to young babies.  After a year, you may wish to swap the sleeping bag or blanket/sheet arrangement for a duvet or quilt.  If so, it is a wise idea to look for hypoallergenic one with a cover of 100 percent cotton.

This English folk song goes as far back as the 17th Century. Over the years there have been many covers, some good and some ..well, shall we say, not so good!? Burl Ives, Dinah Shore and Sammy Turner have all recorded their own versions. It had a very popular spell during the 1950s Rock & Roll era when a Philadelphia-born singer/songwriter released his version. He was known as the King of Rock N Soul and also as Big Sol- can anyone name him?

Lyrics

Lavender’s blue dilly dilly lavender’s green,
When I am King dilly dilly you shall be Queen,
Call up your friends dilly dilly set them to work,
Some to the plough dilly dilly some to the fork

Some to the hay dilly dilly some to thresh corn,
Whilst you and I dilly dilly keep ourselves warm,
Lavender’s blue dilly dilly lavender’s green,
When I am King dilly dilly you shall be Queen

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Johann Pacelbel died in 1706 but his memory lives on through his music.  This song is a popular choice for weddings but we thought it could also make a wonderful lullaby.  We recorded a very special arrangement using only acoustic guitars.  We are delighted with the result- it sounds beautiful but don’t take our word for it -have a listen for yourself.  

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The correct spelling is actually ’Ave Maria’ which translates to ‘Hail Mary.’  It is one of the most popular songs to listen to at Christmas time and one of my personal all-time favourites, despite the countless occasions upon which carol singers have murdered it on my doorstep! 

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Lyrics

Are you going to Scarborough fair?  | Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Remember me the one who lives there | For once she was a true love of mine

Have her make me a cambric shirt | Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Without no seam nor fine needlework | And then she’ll be a true love of mine

Tell her to find me an acre of land | Parsley, sage, rosemary and thyme
Between the sea foam and over the sand | And then she’ll be a true love of mine

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If so we’d like to hear from you.  We would set everything up for you so whenever you felt like it you could add a post to this blog with the greatest of ease.  By sharing your experiences of night-time parenting you’d be reaching out and helping worried new parents around the globe. 

You may even be a new parent yourself and might enjoy decribing your experiences in detail, as they happen.  Not only would this be a wonderful record to keep and an invaluable resource for other parents, but if you were ever worried about something, you could post a question and other parents could answer you directly and objectively.  There would be a very high level of mutual benefit in doing this.  One of the most comforting things that any new parent can learn is that they are not alone and that everyone is in the same boat- you may even end up making a few new pals.   There would be no requirements and you could blog as much or as little as you liked about any topic within the field of baby sleep.  

Once we get a team of parents on board we would start running regular competitions and giveways to provide even more of an incentive to blog.

So if you’re interested in becoming part of the Lullaby Babies community please email me at: 

blog@lullaby-babies.co.uk   

Thank you

We are proud to announce that Lullaby Babies is in the running for two awards sponsored by The Press. 

The company is up for Science and Technology Business Of The Year and I personally am up for the Young Business Entrepreneur Of The Year title.

With the imminent launch of our new product range this opportunity has come at a really exciting time for myself and the business.

I’ll let you know when the results have been announced- keep your fingers crossed for us!

 Lyrics

Please note, we changed the words in last line of each verse as we believe it makes a much nicer sentiment.

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Lullabies for Bedtime Babies

Lyrics 

Please note, this is our unique version of this song with some original words that are subject to copyright.

Lullaby and goodnight, Close your eyes and sleep tight,
Over us the stars shine, For I’m yours and you’re mine,
Lay you down now and rest, May your slumber be blessed,
Lay you down now and rest, May your slumber be blessed,

Lullaby and goodnight, May your dreams bring delight,
What you need I will provide, I’m never far from your side,
Soft and warm is your bed, Close your eyes rest your head,
Soft and warm is your bed, Close your eyes rest your head.

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Lyrics

Hush little baby don’t say a word, Papa’s gonna buy you a mockingbird,
And if that mockingbird won’t sing, Papa’s gonna buy you a diamond ring,
And if that diamond ring turns brass, Papa’s gonna buy you a looking glass,
And if that looking glass gets broke, Papa’s gonna buy you a billy goat,
And if that billy goat won’t pull, Papa’s gonna buy you a cart and bull,
And if that cart and bull turn over, Papa’s gonna buy you a dog named Rover,
And if that dog named Rover won’t bark, Papa’s gonna buy you a horse and cart,
And if that horse and cart fall down, You’ll still be the sweetest little baby in town.

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Lyrics

Twinkle twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are,
Up above the world so high, Like a diamond in the sky,
Twinkle twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are.

When the blazing sun is gone, When he nothing shines upon,
Then you show your little light, Twinkle twinkle through the night,
Twinkle twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are.

Then the traveller in the dark, Thanks you for your tiny spark,
He couldn’t see which way to go, If you didn’t twinkle so,
Twinkle twinkle little star, How I wonder what you are.

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The purpose of the category ‘General Safety’ is to address some of the more miscellaneous safety issues that do not warrant their own category.

• Get ready for your baby to cry from 30 to 60 minutes but remember this is a want not a need. At this age in the child’s development you really shouldn’t give in to his demands easily or you will only reinforce his confidence in this technique’s effectiveness and you’ll increase the problem.

• In the middle of the night, analyse the cries and decide honestly, if you think he’s really in need or if he only wants attention. If you’re sure it’s just the latter, be strong and wait him out. This will give him the chance to cry it out and learn to comfort himself back to sleep. If you must go back in the room, give him a pat on the head and a soothing sentence but do not pick him up or this may signal playtime! (Please note ‘crying it out’ is not acceptable for younger babies and we advise strongly against it).

Once you’ve taken the above measures and tackled separation anxiety your nights should be peaceful once more. The hard part is over and all that remains are a few little adjustments to reflect the physical and mental development of your child. (Lavin, Glaser, 2007)

A great comforter to a child with separation anxiety is routine. The consistent bedtime rituals you established in the latter half of your child’s first year become incredibly useful once more. If you didn’t establish any bedtime rituals then now is a great time to start. Although predictability is paramount, you want your bedtime rituals to be moulded towards your child’s development. The minor subtleties of the rituals such as the stories you read her, the music you play and the pre-bed snack should change with age but if you have a consistent routine, tweaking these details won’t affect her.

As soon as you notice the first signs of separation anxiety, the bed-time rituals should come back into play and strictly adhered to once more. However, now the child is a little older we can make some improvements to the ritual to ease the anxiety:

• Talk to her more. Try to use short, clear sentences to explain that it’s approaching bed-time. Use the same sentences every night because she will be comforted by the repetition. For example, you might exaggerate a yawn and say: “You must be getting very tired- it’s almost time for bed!” You’d be surprised to know how much she understands verbally.

• Try to keep the bedtime consistent. There may be a strong temptation to delay the bedtime on various nights so that a partner can return home from work and spend some quality time with baby. However, this will only exaggerate the problem and should be avoided wherever possible- a solution would be to try and make some quality time in the morning.

• Now that baby is passed the one year mark it is safe for her to take a comforting teddy or security blanket to bed with her. Include this item in the bedtime ritual so that when the time comes for you to leave for the night, the feeling of being left all alone will be bridged by the teddy or blanket. It may sound strange but rubbing the item on your face will leave a strong scent of you with baby which can be very comforting during the separation anxiety stage.

As adults we can relate to stressful experiences during the day causing sleep problems at night. This is the same with tots. Therefore try to keep the days as predictable as possible and try to reduce the daytime stress during this stage. For a tot experiencing separation anxiety, thrusting her into the arms of strangers and even some relatives can easily cause a lot of stress. Instead let your child decide how sociable she will be at this stage.

Also use the following tips during the day:

• Keep naptimes at consistent times of day and prepare for them in the routine way with a lullaby, dimming of lights, a cuddle etc.

• If you can you should probably avoid introducing a new babysitter at this stage in the tot’s development.

• At the times when you do need to leave your tot, keep things breezy. Smile, kiss her on the cheek and say in a cheerful voice: “Bye bye, I shall see you soon” and don’t reveal that you’re anxious about the departure as well!

• Try to minimise the time you’re away as much as possible, avoiding business trips or weekends away at this stage in the baby’s life. Baby’s concept of time is still very limited and this time apart may seem like a life time which will only exacerbate the sleepless nights.

• If practical, consider holding off pre-school until your tot’s verbal skills and ability to understand that you do come back, helps them deal with the scary new situation much more easily. Children under three will often react strongly to being separated from their parent or guardian, but if pre-school is necessary, a child over two can make the transition with only short-lived protest.
(Lavin, Glaser, 2007)

Advantages

Not only is it far more convenient for breast-feeding mothers but research has shown that babies and mothers sleep much better when they share a bed, with solo baby sleepers being shown to spend four times longer crying each night (McKenna, J., et al 1994). It has also been shown that bed sharing babies have more stable temperatures (C. Richard et al 1996), regular heart rhythms, and fewer long pauses in breathing compared to babies who sleep alone (T. Field 1995). This means baby sleeps physiologically safer.

The results from several studies have suggested that co-sleeping babies grow up with higher self-esteem, less anxiety, become independent sooner, are better behaved in school (P. Heron 1994) and are more comfortable with affection (M. Crawford 1994). They also have been shown to have fewer psychiatric problems (J. F. Forbes et al 1992).

There has actually been research to show that co-sleeping is safer than crib sleeping, despite the media scare stories (Blair et al 1999). The Consumer Product Safety Commission published data that described infant fatalities in adult beds. This data, however, showed more than 3 times as many crib related infant fatalities compared to adult bed accidents (D. A. Drago and A. L. Dannenberg 1999). Another recent large study concluded that bed sharing did NOT increase the risk of SIDS, unless the mum was a smoker or abused alcohol (R. G. Carpenter et al., 2004).

Disadvantages

Tragic accidents, although rare, do occur and you can’t ignore the possibility that:

• you might roll over in your sleep and suffocate your baby
• your baby could get caught between the wall and the bed
• your baby could roll out of your bed and be injured

In the absence of conclusive evidence it’s up to you to decide what works best for your situation. The important thing for you to do is to make your informed decision and then stick by it. Spending hours fretting that you may have made the wrong decision and placed your baby at an elevated risk is only damaging to yourself and your family.

Whichever sleeping arrangement you choose, there are steps you can take to make it as safe as possible which I will discuss in my next post.

Research has proved that infants who sleep in their own room in the first six months are twice as likely to die from SIDS (formerly called cot death) than those who share their parents’ bedroom. (FSID’s Editorial Team, 2007). I strongly advise you therefore to have baby sleeping in your room for the first six months.

However, the choice of whether you want to share a bed with your baby or put him in a cot next to the bed is ultimately for you to decide on your own. The reason I stated that a cot in the parents’ room is generally the safest place to put baby to sleep is because there are certain medically-agreed, risk factors that can make co-sleeping much more dangerous than cot sleeping. Experts agree that you should never share a bed with your baby if:

• The baby is under three months old
• The baby was premature or less than 2.5kg
• You or your partner are smokers (even if you don’t smoke at home)
• You have been drinking alcohol or have taken medications that make you drowsy.
• You are very tired.

If the above rules are followed I have not found conclusive evidence to recommend cot-sleeping over sharing a bed or vice-versa. The fact that the research is contradictory tells us that there is no hard and fast, right or wrong answer and the unfortunate truth is that tragic accidents can happen in any scenario. Fortunately, these accidents are very rare.

To help you make an informed decision, I will discuss the pros and cons of co-sleeping in my next post.