Well lately, I have a good blend.  For his afternoon nap, after we read a story, I hold Aidan for a bit, walk him around and on days that he’s especially wired, I hold him close and dance.  Anything from a gentle sway to the Foxtrot.  I watch as his eyes slowly drift to a close.  After a final kiss goodnight, he’s ready for his bed.

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Now we’ve embarked on a different kind of adventure.  When my son Aidan was 5 months old (i.e. April 1, 2009), my husband, son and I left our cozy existence in San Francisco, CA and moved to India.  For those of you wondering why we would take such a drastic step, we’re ga ga about traveling and moving from one country to another is the ultimate way for us to experience the world.  We have grand plans to move again in 3 years to a completely different place.

For Aidan, moving to India has been wonderful.  I’m originally from India (Bombay to be precise) and my parents still live here.  Being close to them allows us to have family support and help Aidan understand and experience the importance of family.

It’s been “interesting” to say the least on adapting to the changes here, especially with a little one.  The search for the right diaper and wipes have been frustrating, but now, almost 3 months later, I have to say that we’re thriving.

In addition to the usual milestones of getting teeth, creeping, talking up a storm and even starting solids in earnest, we’re working on getting him to sleep independently.

Like other parents here, we’re seeing mixed results, but I’ll leave the details till my next post.

Cheers!

Farrah

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The first step is to really get going with your baby’s consistent pre-bed routine.  Remember, babies love predictability and the first step towards an uninterrupted night’s sleep is to follow the same night-time ritual before putting baby down to sleep.  Components of this routine may include a feed, a story, a bath, a lullaby etc.  Baby will be calmer if he is accustomed to the process that immediately precedes being placed in a cot ready to sleep.  Having Grandad energetically jiggling him about before bed might raise a few smiles at the time but it is likely to lead to a poor night’s sleep (for both of them!)  

Step two is as simple as it is vital:  Put your baby to sleep in his cot while he is still awake.  Kiss him goodnight and leave the room. 

Step three:  When baby starts to cry do not rush in immediately.  On your first night with the technique wait around 5-10 minutes before going in.  This will feel like an eternity on your first night ( a good tip is to time yourself with a watch, otherwise you will rush in after 30 seconds having convinced yourself it’s time!).  When you do go in do not pick baby up or rock or feed him.  If you do this you will only reinforce baby’s mindset that crying results in food and attention- two of the biggest rewards going.  Instead, comfort him gently by talking softly and if necessary, laying a comforting hand on him.  Leave the room after two minutes even if he continues to cry.  Someone other than mum might have better luck at this because the scent of breast milk may trigger the hunger response. 

The final step is to gradually increase the length of time that you take to attend to baby’s cries and continue this increase in nightly increments.  The time you take to respond should be based on how comfortable you feel and how many days you have been using the technique.  After around 1-2 weeks Ferber claims that most babies will have learned that crying in the night gets nothing but a quick check-up and will decide it’s not worth their effort!  To be honest I know many parents who swear by this technique and are now happily enjoying an uninterrupted night’s sleep once more.  So in summary, it has a high success rate but you’ve got to be prepared for a week of hell before you start.  Please don’t underestimate how hard it will be to keep from rushing in to respond to your baby’s cries.  Also you should be aware that many experts still claim it comes with a risk of emotional and psychological damage even if the baby is healthy and over six months old.   

Click here to read a night by night account of Lainy’s experience with the Ferber Method

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• Get ready for your baby to cry from 30 to 60 minutes but remember this is a want not a need. At this age in the child’s development you really shouldn’t give in to his demands easily or you will only reinforce his confidence in this technique’s effectiveness and you’ll increase the problem.

• In the middle of the night, analyse the cries and decide honestly, if you think he’s really in need or if he only wants attention. If you’re sure it’s just the latter, be strong and wait him out. This will give him the chance to cry it out and learn to comfort himself back to sleep. If you must go back in the room, give him a pat on the head and a soothing sentence but do not pick him up or this may signal playtime! (Please note ‘crying it out’ is not acceptable for younger babies and we advise strongly against it).

Once you’ve taken the above measures and tackled separation anxiety your nights should be peaceful once more. The hard part is over and all that remains are a few little adjustments to reflect the physical and mental development of your child. (Lavin, Glaser, 2007)

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Research has proved that infants who sleep in their own room in the first six months are twice as likely to die from SIDS (formerly called cot death) than those who share their parents’ bedroom. (FSID’s Editorial Team, 2007). I strongly advise you therefore to have baby sleeping in your room for the first six months.

However, the choice of whether you want to share a bed with your baby or put him in a cot next to the bed is ultimately for you to decide on your own. The reason I stated that a cot in the parents’ room is generally the safest place to put baby to sleep is because there are certain medically-agreed, risk factors that can make co-sleeping much more dangerous than cot sleeping. Experts agree that you should never share a bed with your baby if:

• The baby is under three months old
• The baby was premature or less than 2.5kg
• You or your partner are smokers (even if you don’t smoke at home)
• You have been drinking alcohol or have taken medications that make you drowsy.
• You are very tired.

If the above rules are followed I have not found conclusive evidence to recommend cot-sleeping over sharing a bed or vice-versa. The fact that the research is contradictory tells us that there is no hard and fast, right or wrong answer and the unfortunate truth is that tragic accidents can happen in any scenario. Fortunately, these accidents are very rare.

To help you make an informed decision, I will discuss the pros and cons of co-sleeping in my next post.

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If baby is used to a 1.00 am feeding, his stomach will hunger for food at that time every night. One of the best techniques for helping your baby to sleep through the night is to reset his ‘stomach clock.’ The aim is to reduce baby’s night time food intake without letting him go hungry. Regardless of the age of the baby, he will generally take in the same amount of calories per 24 hours. If you gradually reduce the night time feeding, baby will just eat more during the day to make it up. This is called calorie shifting.

If you have decided it’s the right time to start reducing the night-time feeds here’s what to do if you’re bottle feeding: Start by reducing the volume of milk or formula in the bottle by one or two ounces (30-60 mls) each feeding. You could start with just the bedtime feed and move onto the other night-time feeds or you could attempt them all at once. Keep reducing the volume of milk/formula by one ounce (30 mls) per night over the course of the next week, until there are no more feeds.

An alternative way to accomplish this is to dilute the bottle with water. Quite soon, baby will be taking enough calories during the day and decide that waking up for this new type of bottle is really not worth it! Here’s what to do: Choose your least favourite night feeding time and make the formula for that feeding ¾ of the strength. If baby is satisfied with this bottle, gradually decrease the strength by 1/8th each night until you are giving him only water. Repeat the process for all the night-time feedings and by the end of the process, your baby won’t be hungry at all during the night and he will be taking in more calories during the day to compensate (Lavin, Glaser 2007).

If your breast-feeding here’s the process you can take to gradually reduce the time spent feeding over 5-7 nights:

• Make a note of the length of time of baby’s usual night-time feed.
• Reduce the time spent feeding by two to five minutes every other night. So for example, if baby usually feeds for 17 minutes, cut the feed to fifteen minutes for two nights, then thirteen minutes for the next two nights, then eleven for the next two, and so on.
• Re-settle your baby after each reduced feed with the calming techniques of your choice.  Consider playing baby’s lullaby CD as a quick and easy comforter.
• Once baby is feeding for five minutes or less, stop the feed altogether.  Once feedings have stopped, try sending in someone besides Mum to tend to baby. The scent of breast milk can re-activate the baby’s desire to be fed.

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After reaching the four month mark, most babies are physically prepared to sleep through the entire night. They don’t really need middle of the night feeding anymore and most have acquired the ability to comfort themselves back to sleep if they do wake up. Therefore, if baby is still waking up frequently throughout the night it’s probably because you are still jumping out of bed at her first cry, to give her a feed and a cuddle. She’s learned that every time she cries, her favourite person and her favourite meal are by her side in seconds. Many babies are obviously not going to give this arrangement up too easily!

At this stage, you have a decision to make which will be based on your situation, your lifestyle, work schedule and sanity. Either option is perfectly fine but it’s essential that you stick to your decision. Otherwise you may confuse baby and lead her to test you frequently to try and figure out what game you’re playing. To help you decide, here are the pros and cons of each:

If you decide you are eager to end the sleepless nights you can begin to safely employ the techniques I will now discuss.

Be warned however, babies who were born early, are ill or are only able to eat a small amount at a single feeding, may still have legitimate night-time feeding needs. In these cases you may want to leave an extra few weeks or months before trying the following technique. If you are in any doubt, first check with your health care professional.

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References

P. Hames (2002). “Help your baby to sleep.” HarperCollinsPublishers Ltd.

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